Everything You Want- Chapter Five

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Three more chapters to go and epilogue. Hope you enjoyed this little holiday treat I created. Told you it'll be concise. And the update's quick. See you next chapter.

5: Losing what she secretly wanted

(Giving her up)

“Sometimes the very thing you’re looking for is the one thing you can’t see.”
-Save the best for last, Vanessa Williams

“It is with the heart one can truly see;

What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

-The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Sakura controlled herself. She can’t make a fool of herself here, for heaven’s sake. She kept on eating and smiling horribly, that she felt like her lips were going to get ripped off.

Tomoyo eyed her friend with glee. She was right.

However, Eriol turned aggressive at that point. All is fair in love and war, they say, and this is a little something of both.

His efforts were moot, though. One look in Sakura’s heartbroken face would have told him everything he needed to know.

Syaoran, meanwhile, was oblivious of Sakura’s pain as he was busy nursing his wounded heart (all he could see was that she was happy with Eriol, period).

The evening ended in an unsettled score. By Tomoyo’s sheer manipulation, she had somehow managed to make Syaoran end up taking Sakura home and Eriol she (albeit reluctantly).

Sakura had nothing to say to Syaoran for the first time.

She cleared her throat several times before she started speaking.

“So,” she said in a voice uncharacteristically high-pitched. “You’re seeing Tomoyo, aren’t you?”

Syaoran didn’t know how to answer that one so he kept quiet.

“Well, I’m j-just going to tell you not to toy with her, got that?”

“I’m not seeing her,” he blurted out before he could stop it. “And if I were, would it mean anything to you?” Stupid, stupid Syaoran! Of all the things to say...

“N-not exactly,” she didn’t meet his eyes. She could feel her heart crumpling in her chest. She couldn’t breathe; her eyes started to water. “I mean, I want to know you’re treating her right.”

“But as I said, I’m not seeing her. I’m not seeing anyone.” I was hoping you’d see me, you know.

“Oh. Oh, right.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

“Sakura—”

“Syaoran—”

They spoke at the same time and stopped awkwardly at the same moment.

“You go first.” Syaoran said as they rounded the curve.

“Okay.” She breathed. “I just wanted to say...” drat, what did she want to say? “...uh, even if you say you aren’t seeing her, still, I want you to take care of her.” No, I want you to leave her alone! Because...because...

“Damn it all,” he said a bit too viciously as he pulled over; they have arrived at her house. “I told you I wasn’t seeing her!”

“You don’t have to shout at me!”

“I can’t see her; I can’t see anyone else because...” it’s now or never! “...it’s you I care about, don’t you get it?”

She froze. “I...Syaoran...”

“You don’t still get it.” He said bitterly. “You don’t even believe it even when I’m telling it to your face.”

“You always said we were friends. Who was I to argue? You ask me if I’m seeing your cousin—my God, your cousin! If you knew...”

“Syaoran...”

“But I know where I stand. I wonder when I started becoming a martyr. I ought to be canonized. If it’s Hiiragizawa you want, okay with me. I’m willing to let you go—that’s how much I’m willing to sacrifice for you.”

She was rendered speechless.

“Go, now. I swear I won’t bother you again. I told Daidouji, God, I told her it won’t work anyway. Stupid scheme of hers...”

She stared up at him, her whole world crashing down on her.

Why, why, why? She could feel his tension, but she wouldn’t—and couldn’t—move.

Finally, she stepped out of the car.

“Why can’t we be friends?” She whispered before she could stop herself.

“I will not be content with that,” he said grimly, his voice cold all of a sudden. “And we can’t be friends anymore. Not now that...” his voice trailed off.

“Goodbye, then...Li.”

“Goodbye, Kinomoto.” Stupid Syaoran. You can’t be content with friendship—and lost her in the process... His heart broke once more as he drove away.

Sakura ran to her bedroom without looking back. She knew her brother will ask all the awkward questions.

Like why she was crying.

She didn’t even know why; she just felt like she lost more that her friend that night. Her heart was so painful it might explode.

She picked up her phone and dialed. Then she dropped the call when she realized she dialed Syaoran’s number. She smiled bitterly. He was always there for her.

But then, life was just a matter of getting used to. She’d get on with her life.

He must not love her enough to fight for her, right?

She mustn’t shed another tear. It’s not like they had an understanding. They were friends, for heaven’s sake!

Friends, how weird that word sounded now.

She dialed Tomoyo’s number and waited, drying her tears quietly.

---

“It has to work,” she argued as she settled herself in the front seat. “I won’t allow you to destroy my plans.”

“Really? I think it’s a moot point.”

“Then you don’t really know my cousin well.”

“I doubt if she knows herself,” Eriol said dryly.

“Ah, shut up, you’re driving me mad!”

“Aren’t you already?”

She huffed and resorted to dignified silence.

Then her phone rang and she deemed to answer it.

It was Li Syaoran, sounding like he had a bad head cold.

“Daidouji,” he started.

“Li, what the hell happened?”

“I told her,” he said dully. “I told her and it was all said and done and in such bad timing too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s done for. It’s useless; we can’t even be friends anymore. I think I shocked her.”

“Have you ever heard the word subtlety, you moron? God, are you crying, Li? I think you are! What the hell happened?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he slurred the words this time. Oh, God. Just what she needed: a drunken man bawling his eyes out.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She ended the call with a frown on her face. What happened to the two?

Her questions were answered a minute later, when her phone rang and it was Sakura.

Crying.

---

It wasn’t like her to sleep the whole day, Sakura knew. But she had no wish to wake up that day. She felt so miserable.

Syaoran had always been her friend since that day. He was her confidante, her savior from less-than-satisfactory dates, her boss, her adviser...

He was everything she needed. Too bad she only saw that now.

Her head felt so heavy she didn’t know what to do to dull the pain.

Why did losing Syaoran seem more painful than the fact that she feels absolutely nothing for Eriol, her supposed dream guy? She didn’t even feel that panicky when she realized that the spark she longed for wasn’t there.

As she thought, their relationship was just...bland.

Now that she thought about it, she never had a boring moment with Syaoran. She could be herself with him.

Now she destroyed it all.

She...she can’t be in love with him as well, can she?

He wasn’t even alike with Eriol in looks. They had similarities, but they were different in character altogether.

Yet she wasn’t entirely sure she liked Eriol better...

She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep again.

She won’t think about it. When she wakes up, everything will be back to normal, right? Everything will be back to what they were before...

Oh, God, she hoped she was right...

---

Saicha smiled to herself as she...

The cursor blinked continuously as Sakura stared at the empty white space waiting to be filled with her words. In a fit of rage, she had gone and deleted a whole chapter in the story.

This was a new story supposedly, but for some reason she kept coming back to the first book where Syaoran made an appearance. Critics loved Lee Xian Long, the heroine’s best friend. They asked her if he’s going to have a story of his own. His name was more remarkable than the protagonists, she realized.

And goodness, he now had his story.

The trouble was her heroine for him is still Saicha, his best friend from that book before.

The difference? Xian Long is in love with Saicha. Saicha, however, has met the perfect man of her dreams.

And that’s where she stops. She has no idea what comes next.

Hell, she’s not even sure if Saicha’s in love with Xian Long. In that last book, he had no interest in Saicha. So how the hell does everything change?

She has entitled the book in many titles—A Second Chance at Love; Love takes two; Paradise, take two; A Twist in Paradise (The first book’s original title was Paradise).

The problem was she doesn’t know where to take the story now.

The doorbell rang; she cursed. Her brother had gone out and left her to wallow in her miserable state.

She ran towards the door and opened it.

Hiiragizawa Eriol was standing at her doorstep.

“Oh, Eriol-kun, it’s you,” she said blankly.

He handed her a bunch of red roses; she took them graciously.

“Hello, I thought I’d drop by for a while.”

“Come in. Let me get you something. Sorry if it’s a bit messy here. I’ve been writing and...”

“It’s okay. Did I come at a bad time? I can come back—you look like a mess, Sakura. Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Wait here,” she said as she threw the papers at the bin.

She disappeared at the kitchen thereafter.

---

Eriol was dying out of curiosity. He wanted to know what she was writing about this time. Making sure she was still busily preparing snacks, he took a peek at the monitor screen.

The names Xian Long and Saicha sounded familiar—yeah, right, they were the best friends in the most controversial book she’s ever written—Paradise. What the hell were they doing here?

Then it hit him—she may be revising the story so that Saicha and Xian Long end up together.

But why? From what he’s heard, critics applauded her story simply because it points out that love isn’t about perfect human beings...or something to that effect.

As he scanned that chapter, he realized that she was showing that Xian Long wasn’t perfect, after all. He could see his characteristic flaws in the chapter he’s reading.

Then a name leapt out to him: Hiragato Errol.

Hiragato Errol, who was, apparently, Kirai Saicha’s dream guy and constant date.

And apparently the best friend Lee Xian Long was now officially in love with Saicha.

But Saicha has not still decided, apparently, if she loved Lee Xian Long, though it’s obvious that that’s where the story’s headed.

Oh, god... he thought as he realized what it meant.

Lee Xian Long was Li Syaoran.

Kirai Saicha was Sakura.

He wanted to laugh sarcastically, mostly to himself. How could he have been so blind?

So Daidouji was right, after all.

“Eriol, here’s—you weren’t supposed to see that.” Her voice was muffled and cold as she saw him browsing through the text.

“I know but I’m not sorry. I’m glad I did. Sakura...” he took a deep breath. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel hurt or betrayed. He just felt disappointed. “...you have to admit it to yourself. You...you love Li Syaoran, don’t you?”

“I don’t!” She said vehemently, though her eyes looked bewildered.

“Don’t let me get in the way. Hiragato Errol wasn’t in Paradise before. Paradise was Paradise because of Saicha and Xian Long.” He said softly. “Though heavens, I know I’m better than that Syaoran guy, if he’s who you want...”

“But he’s not...”

“You’re just confused,” he said with a bit of a bitter smile. “Of what’s ideal and what is real. I’m not perfect, Sakura. You just think I am. But he...he may be imperfect, but you see him as he is, no pretentions.”

“Eriol...”

“I’m going now. I don’t think I can eat right now. I’ll be seeing you, then. And Sakura...”

“...Don’t be afraid to go after what you want.”