3 years later…
Chapter 1
‘September 3…
…at the party’
"Happy birthday, Tomoyo!" Sakura waved enthusiastically at the camera, and Tomoyo zoomed in to fill the shot with that beautiful face. Then she zoomed out to catch the complete picture of Sakura and Li linked at the arms.
"Hey, guys. You both look fabulous tonight. Thanks for coming."
Through the lens, she saw Li’s eyes pop open in surprise as he took in her dress.
"Wow, Tomoyo. That, uh, that dress is um…different. You look amazing - "
He caught Sakura giving him a look.
"- amazingly cute. I’m blind." He clapped a hand over his eyes and Sakura giggled. Li had a point. Her friend behind the camera was in a slinky little black cocktail dress, all velvet, with black velvet buttons running down the side. The extremely low scoop neck was lined with black lace, and there was a thin ruffled strip of black lace around the hem near her knees.
"Wow, Tomoyo, that dress is spectacular. Quite a departure from the typical routine. I thought you’d go with lavender silk."
"Well, it is my birthday, Sakura." Tomoyo smiled and shrugged. "I guess I just felt like going a little wild."
"Well, good for you," Sakura declared. "I approve." More people were arriving as she spoke, and she turned to greet someone. "Oh hey, Naoko!" It was time to mingle, and she pulled Li in the direction of the crowd.
Tomoyo followed the pair with her camera, and saw Li looking over his shoulder. The awe was being replaced by his more typical expression of suspicion. A frown flickered through his brown eyes, but she just smiled innocently.
Li is too suspicious for his own good, she thought. It’s just not healthy.
She returned her attention to the camera.
--ONE WEEK EARLIER
Tomoyo glanced up from her sketching to see that the cheerleaders were spreading out into a half-circle formation, and she returned her attention to the camera. This called for a wide-angle shot. If she was going to be any help at all with their practice, she really ought to keep her mind on the taping.
Now they were closing in again, in almost perfect synchronization, Sakura in the middle. She executed a tight back flip, and then another, while the others got down on their knees. Then at the last possible moment, she climbed up on their backs and they all pushed upwards. The resulting pyramid was perfect, and Tomoyo clapped. Someone else clapped too, just behind her.
"Good job everybody!" Sakura cheered. "I think we really nailed it that time." By the look on her face, Tomoyo had no need to turn around and see who was behind her.
"What did you think, Li?"
"I think they’re wasting their time getting you to tape this. They look good to me."
At least one of them does, she thought, and flicked the red button on the camera. It was getting late, and practice was over. Sakura carefully dismounted and skipped over to the two of them.
"Whadja think? Huh? Huh? Whadja think?"
"Great," they both replied, and she glowed.
"Oh good. We’ve been working on that for so long. I’m so glad that we finally got it right."
"So, do you need this tape or not, Sakura?"
"Oh, I’ll take it. There might be something that we didn’t catch." Sakura extended her hand for the tape, her eyes never leaving Li’s face. Tomoyo had been about to ask if they wanted to go get something to eat, but she clammed up. No one was better than she was at reading these two, and they had that look about them again. That look that said they wanted some privacy.
Never mind. She really needed to get home and start on her dress. Her birthday was only a week away and she was still in a preliminary design stage.
"Well, I’m out of here," she announced, dismantling the tripod. "I’ll see you two later."
"Bye," they both answered, Sakura already snuggling into his arms. Neither watched her pick up her bag and begin the long walk to the school parking lot, humming slightly under her breath. She was turning seventeen next week, she had a gorgeous dress forming in her mind, and a highly anticipated party to throw. These were the tasks that she enjoyed more than anything, and she was content with the world as she crossed the school grounds.
Something disrupted her contentment.
What was that sound?
Tomoyo glanced over her shoulder, but she saw nothing. Classes were long finished, and the cheerleader practice had gone on rather longer than most clubs met for after school. Already the autumn sun was setting over the trees. Though it was still late August, the evenings turned chilly quickly, and Tomoyo picked up her pace.
This time she was almost certain that she could hear footsteps behind her, and she resisted the urge to scream for Li. He’d probably never hear, and her attacker would only be alerted to her fear. It might not even be an attacker, it could be anyone. There was no need to call for help just yet.
Instead she pulled her keys out of her purse and gripped them in a fist. Li had shown her this as a self-defense maneuver a while back, something that could hurt somebody and give her a chance to run away.
She still couldn’t see anyone, but she could see her car now in the deserted parking lot. She was almost there. Just a few more steps…
Tomoyo gave a tiny relieved sigh when she finally reached the car door. There was nobody, and nothing to be worried about. She’d just been paranoid, that was all. She dropped her heavy bag on the ground and bent down to turn the key in the lock.
"Tomoyo?"
She screamed and jumped back. A man was standing by the hood of her car, an older man. Where had he come from?
I hate it when people sneak up on me like that!
"Tomoyo Daidouji?" He took a step forward, and she backed away. Then she realized how stupid it was to be backing away from her own car, the best avenue of escape, and raised her fists in a pathetic imitation of Li.
"Stay away from me. My friends are right behind me, and they will definitely hear if I scream, so just turn around and walk away."
"I’m not going to hurt you." He stepped a little closer, giving her bemused look, as though he didn’t quite believe that this was really happening. "My, your hair has gotten long. You look more beautiful than I could have hoped."
"Stay back, I said!" She frowned a little, curiosity overcoming anxiety. "Who are you? How do you know my name? Have we met?"
"Have we met?" He shook his head and grinned. "Have we met? It’s so hard for me to believe that you’re actually asking that, but I guess you would, now wouldn’t you? Yes, Tomoyo, we’ve met. We once knew each other quite well."
He wasn’t making any sense. Tomoyo lowered her fists slightly and gave him a searching look. He was definitely older than she was, a few wrinkles appearing in the corners of his eyes. No silver streaks in his jet-black hair, though. Those eyes…they were a startling violet, like her own. She’d never met anyone with eyes like hers.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Kagami Daidouji. Tomoyo, I’m your father."
*****
"Oh," she finally said, after a long and pregnant silence.
"I realize that this is probably a shock to you. I know it’s been a while."
"A while?" she repeated dazedly.
"Yes, it’s been a few years. I know you don’t even remember me. I’ve been looking for you for a while now, and I’m so glad I finally found you. I can see some of me in you." He tapped a finger to his temple, next to his eyes, and smiled.
"It’s so good to see you again," he said once more. "I just can’t believe it. I simply can’t believe it. My little girl, all grown up. When I last saw you, you were sitting on my knee and playing horsey."
The shock was starting to wear off, and Tomoyo felt herself tremble. Placing a hand on the trunk to support herself, she concentrated on taking several deep breaths.
Breathe, Tomoyo, remember to breathe. You must stay upright.
"And now you’re driving and midway through high school. Am I right? I did get the years right, I think. You’re turning seventeen next week."
She nodded.
"So I haven’t forgotten everything. That’s good. I wouldn’t want you to think I was an irresponsible father or anything."
"Why," she gasped, "would I ever think of something crazy like that?"
"Oh, Tomoyo, please don’t be angry with me. I had to – I had to leave your mother. I didn’t want to leave you, you know. I wanted to take you with me. But I knew that would break her heart. It killed me to leave you behind, though, it did."
She was staring at the pavement of the parking lot, her hands still shaking.
"You never contacted us."
"Oh, your mother would have never allowed it. It wasn’t exactly an amicable break up, we’ll say. And I was so busy with work. I wanted to make something of myself, Tomoyo; I wanted to come back to you when I was worth something. And I finally am. I had to see you again. You’re my daughter." Hesitantly he reached out and patted her hand, and she jerked away.
"No. I – I don’t know. You’ve been gone so long…no. You can’t just walk back into my life again. It doesn’t work like that!" The hurt in his eyes was obvious.
"I know, honey, I’m sorry. I’m rushing you. You didn’t get a chance to prepare, like I did. I was just so excited, I wasn’t even thinking. Let me give you a chance to get acquainted with the idea of me, here." He pulled a business card out of his pocket and held it out. She didn’t move.
"You can call this number, any time, day or night. Whenever you feel ready and willing to give me a few minutes."
Still she didn’t extend her hand.
"Please, Tomoyo? I want a chance to explain myself. And I’d like to hear about you. I want to know about your hobbies, your friends, what you’re doing with your life these days. I want to know everything about you; you’re the most important person in my life right now."
Those violet eyes were so pleading. She hesitated. The logical side of her brain was telling her to jump in the car and get out of there. Her mother had never spoken of her father, and her mother never spoke of people that she didn’t care for.
And yet…there’s something kind of nice about someone wanting to know me so desperately. When was the last time somebody really wanted to be with me that much?
He is my father. Maybe I should give him a chance.
The look of happiness in his eyes when she reached out and took the card was incredible.
"Oh thank you, Tomoyo. Thank you for giving me a chance."
"I didn’t say anything," she warned. "I still need to think about it."
"That’s fine. You take all the time you need, sweetheart. I’m in town for as long as it takes." He looked as though he might try to hug her, so she backed away and opened her car door. "Tomoyo?"
"Yes?"
"I need to ask you a favor. Please don’t mention this to your mother, or anyone else. She really won’t like it that I spoke to you, and I want the chance to speak with you. You’re as much my child as hers, you know."
"Biologically, yes."
"Please? I just want the chance to get to know you, that’s all. I don’t want her to interfere." She looked into his eyes, then nodded.
"I won’t mention it."
"Good girl. Thank you. I’ll keep my cell phone on me day and night. I’ll be waiting." She made no reply to that, and shut the car door with a slam and started the engine. He backed away and waved as she shifted gears and pulled out.
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. That –
She shook her head.
That I did not see coming.
--SIX DAYS EARLIER
Tomoyo sat on the stairs, hugging her knees to her chest as she watched her mother scream into a cell phone, direct her luggage into the car outside, and try to touch up her makeup in the hall mirror.
"…just don’t do anything, all right? Just don’t touch anything, don’t do anything, don’t breathe on anything until I’m there. See you tonight." She turned off the phone with a sigh of disgust, then tossed it into her purse.
"Tomoyo, honey, I’m so sorry that I have to leave right before your birthday."
"It’s okay."
"I will try to make it back before Friday, but I just can’t promise anything. Those boneheads in the European division have royally bungled things up with the government. You’d think they’d have figured out the EU regulations by now…" She shook her head regretfully at the mirror, then concentrated on applying her lipstick.
"If I don’t make it back, will you be all right?"
"I’ll be fine, Mom. It’s just a birthday. I’ll be throwing a party; it’s not like I’m going to be alone."
"I know, sweetie. Tell Sakura I said hi."
"I will." Tomoyo hesitated. This was her last chance to ask. "Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Um, I…" Sonomi snapped her fingers at the maid.
"No, I want that one in the back seat with me. Not in the trunk, I said. Not in the trunk!" She turned back to the staircase. "Yes?"
"I just wanted to…" She took a deep breath.
Why did you and Dad divorce? Why did you shut him out for so long? Did he ever do anything that awful?
"Just wanted to wish you a good trip. Have fun in Paris."
"Not likely," the older woman snorted. "But thank you anyway. Have fun at your party if I don’t make it back. I’ve got to go now, come and give me a hug."
Tomoyo obediently stood and embraced her mother.
Chicken, she taunted herself. Since when are you afraid to ask the difficult questions?
*****
As large as the Daidouji mansion was, it felt confining that afternoon. Tomoyo gave up pacing and decided to go ahead and take a long walk.
He’s my own father. I should call him. I owe him that much. What am I saying? I don’t owe him anything – he left us! Or did he? What if Mom kicked him out? But why would she do that?
I should have asked. But I promised I wouldn’t tell her he was here.
I probably shouldn’t have made that promise. But he is my father.
And so she reached the beginning of the circle again.
Damn it! I don’t know what to do. And that almost never happens.
She paused for a moment to savor the view. Her perambulations had taken her wandering to the crest of a wooded hill. Tomoeda was spread out below her, tiny individuals running about in their daily activities. There were a lot them out, it being the gorgeous afternoon that it was. At early afternoon, the temperature was as warm as midsummer. Puffy white clouds were sailing across an azure sky, and a light breeze stirred her hair.
I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. Why did he have to come back at all? I was happy! I was doing just fine.
Angrily she stamped her foot on the ground, then gave a resigned sigh. It wasn’t really fair to him to be angry. He only wanted to see her again. She was choosing to react the way that she was.
I don’t know how to resolve this. I am completely and utterly stumped. It’s hopeless.
Tomoyo sighed again and turned to continue up the hill.
"Hello."
For the second time in two days, she shrieked and jumped backward, her heart racing. Eriol was leaning against the tree that he’d just popped out from behind, smiling that perpetually enigmatic smile.
"I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry."
"Eriol-kun," she gasped. "When did you – why are you here?"
"I thought I’d come to town for your birthday. It’s on Friday, isn’t it?"
"Never knew my birthday was so interesting to everybody," she muttered. "I wouldn’t have decided to throw a party if I’d known it would cause so much trouble."
"It’s no trouble."
"My birthday isn’t for a week, Eriol-kun. Why are you here? Why are you here with me?"
"It’s true," he acknowledged, "that I wasn’t planning on arriving until next week. But yesterday, at about six o’clock in this time zone I’d say, I had a strange feeling."
She said nothing, and he stretched his arms up to grasp a low hanging branch above his head. Lazily he rocked back on his heels, his eyes never leaving her face.
"A burst of confusion and fright from your mind, a kind of lost bewilderment. So I hopped on the first flight I could get and tracked you up here. I haven’t felt a sensation like that from you since…oh, I’d say for about two and a half years."
Tomoyo flushed and turned away from those knowing eyes.
"Why did you kiss me that night?"
"Didn’t you like it?" His tone was light and teasing.
"You didn’t answer the question."
"You didn’t answer mine." Eriol stepped away from the tree and approached her. "It’s a simple question, Tomoyo. Most girls like it when they get kissed. If they like the guy, that is." She backed away, but he only came closer. "What, not sure? If you liked me?"
"Ah, I…" She backed into another tree. "I d-don’t know." Oh, how she wished he would stop staring at her with those intense blue eyes. It was so unnerving.
"We could try it again. See what you think." His hands were on the tree now, on either side of her head.
"No," she whispered.
"No, you don’t want to? Or no, you’re scared of what might happen? Or no, you’re scared of what your reaction might be? Which is it?" He leaned in slightly, coming so close that his lips were almost tickling hers.
This isn’t right, she thought. Her heart was beating fast and hard, and she knew Eriol could feel it. This isn’t right. I came up here to decide what to do with one man, and now I’ve got to deal with another. Why are all these people from ancient history popping up out of nowhere? Why is everybody so suddenly focused on me?
Eriol was rubbing a lock of her lustrous hair between his fingertips.
"Are you ready?"
She gave a minute shake of her head, which he ignored. And then he was kissing her again. It was even scarier than the last time, now that she was older. Scarier, and more exciting. This time she participated, opening her mouth to receive his tongue. It was crazy and wrong, she knew, but she was doing it all the same. She couldn’t help herself. It felt so incredibly good.
*****
Eriol pulled away from her mouth and began to plant little kisses along her jawline, and then down her neck.
"What are you doing?" she whispered. "Stop that!"
"Make me." He was going much lower now, kissing harder. She couldn’t stop the moan of pleasure that escaped her lips.
What’s going on? Why is this happening? I can’t – no! This – this isn’t right!
He was unbuttoning her blouse now.
"This isn’t right!"
"Says who?"
"I do!"
"With words, yes. Your body, no." He braced his foot behind hers and tipped her gently down on the grass.
"I’m saying no, Eriol." His tongue traced a path down her chest and her stomach.
"No you’re not."
"Yes I - " She lost the rest of the sentence in a startled gasp. He’d untied the drawstring on her shorts and was –
She bit her lip to keep from screaming. The waves of ecstasy were too much for her to handle.
"No! Stop, please!"
"You don’t mean that."
"I – I didn’t want…" Difficult as it was to concentrate, she tried to crawl away. He pinned her down with one hand against her shoulder.
"Don’t go just yet," he crooned. "You’re having too good a time."
"No," she whispered for the hundredth time.
"Shh." He traced her lips lightly with his fingertip, against her will she sucked on it.
"Good girl." Now he was positioning himself carefully on top of her. "Are you ready?"
Again she shook her head, again he ignored her. And then she was lost in a flood of her own feelings: pain, pleasure, confusion, excitement, hunger, desire. There seemed no end to the variety as they rocked in unison on the grass.
"Say that you like it," he whispered to her. But that she would not do, even though it was plain her body felt differently. It was becoming too difficult to form coherent thought anyway. Instead she clutched his shirt tightly and gritted her teeth. This feeling was getting more intense…she couldn’t hold it all in…she…she…
Tomoyo yelped in a spasm of delight, and Eriol grinned and rolled off of her. She was panting hard and shaking, both limp and furious at the same time.
"How could you do that?" she gasped.
"Me? What about you?"
"I said no!"
"You didn’t mean it. I could tell."
"You forced me!"
"Nonsense. You wanted it. You felt it. You just didn’t want to say it."
"No." She shook her head. "I tried to crawl away…"
"No you didn’t. You would have gotten away if you’d tried. Rape victims do not feel what you felt, Tomoyo. Accept it."
He was lying beside her, his head propped up on one elbow as he looked down on her face. His eyes were like little patches of the sky above him. It was disconcerting how he spoke with such absolute confidence.
And he was right. She had loved it. She – perfect, careful, virtuous Tomoyo – had loved it. What had happened to her world?
"I’m not me anymore."
"Perhaps this is you, and the other one was the fake."
"That’s impossible. I loved the other me."
"I didn’t." That reminded her of her original question.
"Why did you kiss me? Why did you do this to me today? Why are you targeting me like this?"
"Targeting," he repeated, amused. "I’m glad that that’s what you think it is. Are you aware of the concept called attraction, Tomoyo?"
"I don’t believe you."
"That doesn’t concern me."
"You don’t care what I think?"
"I only care about what you feel. That’s what I can sense." He placed a hand over her chest. Her heartrate was slowing gradually, becoming more even and calm. She was returning to her normal state, the state of rational thinking and careful analysis. He heaved a sigh and rolled away to stand up. "You strangle yourself with calculations, Tomoyo. Don’t bother. Just do it."
He gazed at her a second longer and ran his hand through his black hair. Then he turned and walked away.
"Where are you going?"
"Away. But I’ll be back. I’ll be around."
He disappeared over the hillside, and she was too tired to be angry at him for leaving her alone in this state. Instead she watched the clouds above her, looking for pictures and shapes.
I can’t believe what just happened. I’ve never been so unprepared for anything, and yet it was so wonderful. I can’t believe I let him do that. I can’t believe what all has happened to me in the last two days.
A breeze split the cloud above her into two. One of them looked a little like Kero, except without wings and a short tail. She smiled in spite of herself.
Don’t bother with calculations. Just do it.
*****
Kagami Daidouji beamed at the girl across the table.
"I’m so glad you called, Tomoyo. It’s wonderful to see you."
She smiled at her drink. It was the third time he’s said that since they met for dinner.
I can’t believe somebody wants to be with me so much. It feels strange. Different.
"So let’s talk. I want to hear all about you and what you’re doing these days. How’s school?"
"School is fine. I’m top of my class."
"Good girl." He practically swelled with pride. "I just knew you’d always be a smart cookie. You were already starting to read before I left. How about activities?"
"I’m president of the varsity choir, and president of the Audio/Visual club."
"Oh, so you’re still into cameras? I remember when you were just learning to walk. One of the first things you walked to was my camera, lying on the table. I thought you just wanted to play with the strap, but you actually tried to pick it up and use it! It was bigger than your head." He chuckled, and Tomoyo smiled.
"Did I really?"
"You bet."
"I wonder why Mom never told me that."
"Oh, your mother didn’t see it. She was working." A slight frown crossed his handsome face, then he shook his head and cleared it. "So, do you enjoy school? Got a lot of friends?"
"Oh yes. I get along with everybody. It’s my trademark."
"What are you thinking about doing after high school?"
"Um, I don’t really know yet." She shrugged a little. "I was thinking about entering design school. I love to make my own dresses, and – and some of my friends’ dresses too. But I was also thinking about cinematography."
"You make your own dresses? Even that one?" He indicated the strappy white dress she was wearing that evening.
"Even this one."
"Well, well. You’re obviously a lot more talented than I ever was. Or your mother. Where did all this come from?"
She shrugged a little and blushed. People had taken her designs for granted for so long that she’d forgotten how impressive it actually was. Her father looked absolutely awed. All the same, it felt a little strange to be the focus of the conversation for so long.
"That’s really all there is to me, K – Dad. What about you?" He waved his hand negligently.
"Oh, there’s nothing to talk about with me. I’m in business, and I’m doing well enough that I can afford to pay for this dinner. And anything else that you ever need. Ever. You got that?"
"I got it," she replied. As if money mattered to her. She was wondering exactly what her father did that he never had time to contact his own daughter for so many years.
"Were you really that busy, Dad? Didn’t you ever try to contact me?"
"Of course I wanted to, honey. I told you how your mother feels about me. I was afraid that if I pressed the issue, she would just hide you away and I’d never be able to find you. It seemed safer to just let you grow up until you were ready to make your own decisions."
She nodded silently, thinking.
"Dad?"
"Yes?"
"What happened? Why did you and Mom separate?"
He hesitated slightly, then nodded.
"You’re old enough to know, I suppose. The truth is, Tomoyo, I left. I walked out on her one day. I had had it."
"You walked on her? On us?" Looking at her face, he hastened to explain.
"There was a little context to that, sweetheart. I left because I figured out the truth. And I just couldn’t take it anymore."
"What truth?"
"The truth is that your mother never loved me. Not like a wife should love her husband." He swallowed. "We’d only been married a few months when I began to figure it out. She never fully opened up to me, there was always some part of her that she was holding back, keeping a secret. I could sense it, and at first I thought she would eventually share. But she didn’t, and instead she just seemed to grow more and more distant. Even after you were born, I felt as though I was living with a stranger. Gradually I figured it out, that she was once in love with somebody else. Still was, actually. I never knew who he was, or how she would have known him, but all the same I knew it in my heart."
He looked so forlorn. Tomoyo felt a twinge of sympathy, and considered telling her father the name of the person that Sonomi had loved most. Then she decided that it wasn’t her business to divulge her mother’s private feelings. She didn’t even know for sure, technically, since her mother had never spoken about it. But Tomoyo had pieced together the clues and confronted Touya about it once, and he just shrugged and looked away.
"Don’t tell the squirt," was all he said, which she took to be a tacit acknowledgement of her guess.
Her father was still talking.
"I never knew who the guy was, or anything, but it started to get under my skin. I was obsessed with it. And then one day, when you were about three, she came home sobbing her eyes out. I was shocked. I’d never seen your mother cry, not even at our wedding. I tried to be a comfort, I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong. But she wouldn’t tell. She just picked you up in her lap and rocked you and cried and cried and cried. And I knew that whoever it was was dead. She didn’t care about me at all, she was in total mourning for this guy. And I knew that it simply couldn’t go on. I packed up some things, right next to her on the bed. She didn’t even look up. And then I left. I haven’t seen her face-to-face since then."
"That’s so sad," she whispered. He returned to the present when he met her eyes, and smiled.
"Don’t worry about it, Tomoyo. It was a long time ago, and I think it’s pretty obvious that it wasn’t meant to be between me and her. My only regret is that I missed out on you growing up. I missed so many important things. Like your first date."
"Oh, um, I would worry too much about it, Dad." She concentrated on her food, hoping he wouldn’t see the blush. She’d never actually been on what could be called a date. The closest thing was what had happened that afternoon in the woods. And she wasn’t about to talk about that.
"Is there some special guy in your life? Any boyfriend?"
"Hardly." She shook her head determinedly. "Nope. No special guy at all. The men at my high school are just so…so immature." He chuckled again.
"That’s always going to be the case, honey. I can tell already how much more mature you are than most people your age. It’s not easy to find a young man who can measure up to you in that way."
Unless he’s a reincarnation or something.
Tomoyo scowled at her plate.
Stop thinking about him! Stop thinking about that! He was wrong to have done it, you were mistaken in enjoying it, so stop dwelling on it.
"Dessert?"
"Huh?" She glanced up to see her father watching her hopefully.
"I’m done, but I don’t want to stop getting to know you just yet. What do you say to a nice dessert course?"
"Oh. Um, that would be great. Dessert would be great."
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
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