Chapter 3
‘September 3…
…at the party’
"Hey, Tomoyo!"
"Tomoyo, happy birthday!"
"Great party, Tomoyo!"
The hostess and reason for the party smiled as all of her friends waved at the camera and greeted her enthusiastically. Everybody was having a great time. She always threw the best parties. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that her mother hadn’t made it back in time. She had called that morning and left a message. A rather short message, as she had a meeting to run off to. But she had called.
Tomoyo wasn’t thinking about her mother just then, however. She was angling the camera upward, not particularly sure why, but simply following her instincts. And there he was, upstairs on the second level, leaning against the railing and watching her intently.
Those blue eyes beckoned to her, called her upstairs. And so she set the camera down, for the first time that evening, and left her party behind. No one noticed.
Why is he still here? Why am I the only one he’ll talk to? Why does he have this power over me?
He’d turned away from the railing by the time she reached the top of the stairs, watching and waiting for her. The silence was overwhelming, despite the loud music below them.
"You look nice," she finally said. "Thanks for coming."
He looked wonderful. He was wearing those black jeans again, and a white shirt with the top button open and the sleeves rolled up. Casually elegant with simple neutrals, some part of her mind automatically declared. Perfect contrast to the startling crystal blue of his eyes.
"You look more than nice," he replied. "Come here and let me see how it looks."
Obediently she crossed the landing to stand before him, then spun around in a slow circle. A tiny smile of approval played across his face, and he reached up to brush his hand over her neck.
"I rather like that you didn’t wear a necklace. I’d hate for anything to distract from that beautiful neck." His touch felt wonderful, and she wished he would do more, but he didn’t lean down to kiss her. Instead he stepped around her and pressed her up to the railing. "You’ve left your own party, Tomoyo. It’s your party, your birthday, and yet still you’re up here. Watching it."
"You were up here first."
"Even when you were down there, you wouldn’t let go of the camera. I’ve been here the whole evening, Tomoyo, I saw it."
His hands slid from her shoulders down her arms to rest on her hands, and he inhaled the scent of her glossy black hair. He was so close; she could feel him breathing deeply and evenly behind her.
"What are you so afraid of? Why are you determined to tape life instead of enjoying it?"
"It’s who I am. I can’t help it."
"Untrue. I can feel you, Tomoyo. I know that it’s not who you are. You’re using it as a mask to hide your true self and your true emotions."
"What do you know about truth? You’ve done nothing but lie to us from the start, ever since you first moved here. You haven’t even revealed your presence to Li or Sakura since you got here last weekend. You’ve hidden things from me."
"All undeniable facts. But I’ve kept my presence a secret because I wanted to concentrate on you. Why are you keeping the secret? Scared of the consequences? Scared of what people might think?" He paused thoughtfully. "Do you see that girl down there? The one in the short pink dress?"
"Of course I see her."
"What would she think if she looked up right now, saw us together like this? Her best friend, always the logical and sensible one, intimately pressed together with a guy that she barely knows. Are you afraid of what she would think if she knew what we’ve been doing for the past week?"
Tomoyo bit her lip as she watched Sakura dancing with Li. She knew her friend would never do anything as stupid as sleep with Li, not at their young age. Li knew that she wasn’t ready, and he wasn’t pressuring. They were both happy to wait.
"They’d both be horrified, wouldn’t they? They’d probably assume I had you under some kind of spell, even though I don’t do that anymore. They’d never understand that you’re acting like this under your own volition. Because they don’t know who you really are."
"They’re my best friends."
"Sad, isn’t it? Your best friends don’t know who you really are, because you never get out from behind that camera and let them see. I’m the only one, Tomoyo. The only one who even bothered to try."
Tomoyo was silent at that. Downstairs, the party continued.
--THREE DAYS EARLIER
She wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed or relieved when she woke up the next morning, still alone. He’d never come after all.
That’s all right with me. I didn’t need him. Didn’t need him to sleep with me, didn’t need him to make love to me. I don’t need any of that, never did and never will. I am just fine on my own.
Feeling more sure of herself that she had in days, she showered and dressed ahead of schedule. She may have been sloppy lately, but she could get back on track. She wanted to return to her old life, the comfortable, predictable life. She needed the therapy of routine.
I’m running early, and it looks as though it’s going to be a beautiful day. The last day of August. I think I’ll walk to school for the fun of it.
It had been a long time since she’d walked to school. She inhaled the fresh air of the early morning, deeply and gratefully.
What am I going to do with my father, I wonder? How long does he intend to stick around? Sooner or later I’ll have to tell people. It’s ridiculous that I haven’t mentioned anything to Sakura. My father returning from oblivion – it’s a pretty big deal. It’s really just odd timing that his visit was overshadowed by that other man from my past.
Very odd timing…
She turned the corner, and began to make her way up the school’s drive. It was early yet, and there were no students hanging about in the front yard like there would be in a little while. She would use the extra time to review the material that she’d daydreamed her way through yesterday. School had only begun two weeks earlier, after all. There was no excuse for letting her grades start to slide already!
A loud roar cut through her thoughts, startling her. Out of nowhere, apparently, a gleaming black motorcycle was bearing down on her, stopping just short of her and causing her hair and skirt to fly up with a whoosh.
Eriol took off his helmet and grinned.
"Miss me last night?"
She regarded him with wide eyes, and he leaned back slightly, enjoying her surprise.
"What – what makes you think that I even thought about it?"
"How could you not? My apologies. I was annoyed too, but certain descendents just don’t know when to mind their own business. Let’s defy him and spend some time together anyway." He held out the helmet, and she took a defensive step backward.
"You’re kidding me. That is so trite. The motorcycle whisking away the schoolgirl? Please." Intellectually she derided the overused plot device; she would never use this in a movie of hers. But Eriol had raised his eyebrows slightly and was giving her that mocking look.
"Afraid?"
"No."
"Well, then, come on. Do something for once, instead of taping it." It was a challenge, and Tomoyo couldn’t help lifting her chin a little in response to it. Already the rationalizations were kicking in. It was only the second week of school…it wasn’t like there was any advanced material being taught today…certainly no tests or quizzes…
As always, he seemed able to sense exactly what was going on inside her head, and he tossed her the helmet almost before she reached her decision.
He thinks I’m afraid? Well, I’ll show him.
She shot him a defiant look and pulled on the helmet, then straddled the bike and wrapped her arms around his waist. Eriol shifted gears and they sped down the drive.
*****
The bell was ringing. Sakura sprinted down the hallway and shot through the door just nanoseconds before class began, waved merrily at her annoyed teacher, and plopped into her chair with a satisfied sigh.
Made it. Whew. That was really close, that time.
"Hey Tomoyo, did you do the - " She turned her head slightly and stopped short. The unthinkable had happened, and Tomoyo was not sitting in her chair.
What in the name of the Cards?
Too shocked to worry about discretion, she whirled around to face Li’s patient and cynical expression.
"Syaoran!"
"Yes, darling?"
"Tomoyo’s not here!"
"You noticed that too, huh?"
"This is unbelievable. I hope she’s all right."
"Kinomoto-san?" The teacher cleared his throat. "We’re ready to begin the lesson whenever you are."
"Oh, right." She flushed and turned around in her chair. "Sorry."
"That’s more like it. If everybody would turn in their textbooks to page sixteen…" Immediately Sakura tuned out the lecture as she let her gaze slide once more to Tomoyo’s empty seat.
The last time she missed school, it took a Clow Card to keep her home. I hope she’s all right.
*****
Tomoyo had to stop herself from screaming with exhilaration as Eriol turned a sharp corner, leaning in so hard that she could almost feel the pavement brush her foot. It was scary, but it was also the most exciting thing she’d done in a long time. Not since she first climbed up on Sakura’s wand to go flying with her had she felt this free.
*****
Sakura fidgeted anxiously throughout the class, and when it finally ended, she was the first to leap out of her seat and exit the room.
"I can’t believe that she’s not here, Syaoran, I’m really worried. It would take a state of near-deathbed to make Tomoyo miss school." She shook her head as she pulled out her cell phone.
Naoko looked thoughtful.
"Well, she did seem a little out of it yesterday. And didn’t you say that she had a sore throat over the weekend? Everybody gets a little sick now and then."
Li yawned as Sakura left a message on Tomoyo’s phone.
"Feeling all right, Syaoran?"
"Fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night." Sakura pushed the Off button on her phone.
"Well, she’s not answering. Hopefully she’s resting. I can’t believe she didn’t call last night to tell me she was sick, though."
Yamazaki looked up from his locker a few steps away.
"She’s not sick."
"Excuse me?" They all turned to face him.
"She’s not sick. I saw her this morning out in front of the school; I was in charge of setting up chem lab. She was walking up the drive, and then this guy on a motorcycle drove up and she got on and they left."
"What?" everybody chorused in unison.
"I didn’t see who it was, his back was to the window. But he took off his helmet, and they talked for a little while, and then she put on the helmet and got on behind him, and then they pulled out of here."
Sakura stared at Yamazaki for a moment before finally giggling.
"What?"
"Nice try, Takashi-kun. But even I’m not going to buy that one." Everybody was smiling now and chuckling.
"No, really," he insisted. "I saw it. It happened!"
"Takashi!" Chiharu pounced on her boyfriend. "That’s the worst one yet! What am I going to do with you?"
"Oh, please not the ear- ouch! Ow, ow, ow!" She was starting to pull him down the hallway.
"Tomoyo skipping school to go riding on a motorcycle? You’re getting desperate, you really are!"
"But it’s true, this time, I swear!" He noticed Li wasn’t laughing and gave him a pleading look. "Li! Help!"
Chiharu dragged him around the corner, and Li leaned against the lockers with a frown.
Interesting. Takashi really looked as though he was trying to tell the truth that time. I wonder…
The bell rang, and he was forced to stop his musing for the present. It was time for History.
*****
Feeling a little dizzy after all that speed, Tomoyo dismounted carefully and pulled off her helmet. A glance at her watch revealed that it was eleven.
"History is starting now," she announced, feeling a little strange. "I hope there isn’t a pop quiz - "
"Okay, this won’t do." Eriol dangled the helmet from one of the handlebars, then unclasped her watch.
"Hey!"
"It has to go, Tomoyo. Or you’ll be looking at it all day. We can’t have that." There was a small rear compartment in the bike, and he opened the hatch door to toss it in.
"That’s an Anne Klein II watch!"
"It’ll be fine." He was pulling her bookbag off her shoulders now and stuffing it in.
"Where did you get this bike, anyway? You didn’t steal it, did you?"
He clucked his tongue disapprovingly as he began to unbutton her blue school jacket.
"Steal is such a negative word, Tomoyo. I prefer ‘borrow." He was slipping the jacket off her shoulders now, leaning close, and his lips brushed over her forehead.
It was all so new and dangerous, and she couldn’t stop the little thrill from running down her spine.
"You’ve stolen me away from school, I’m missing my classes. Now what?"
"Now is when you stop trying to calculate everything. Now is when you start to relax and enjoy yourself." He unfastened her school tie and pulled it off with a flourish, then held it taught between his hands and slid it across her mouth.
"Tempting…" he murmured, then smiled at her fearful expression and threw it in to join the jacket and watch.
"Are you through undressing me yet?"
"Not quite." He unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, then the one below that.
"It’s too much," she protested. He just looked at her approvingly.
"It’s perfect. Now you look like you’re ready to have fun."
"And just what do you mean by ‘fun’?"
"Stuff like this." He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her toward him to enjoy a long, leisurely kiss. When they pulled apart, she noticed two elderly ladies staring at them from across the street, and she flushed. No one had ever looked at her disapprovingly before.
"People are looking."
"So?"
"This isn’t right."
"Hence the excitement." He took her hand and pulled her inside the building that he’d parked in front of.
"What is this place?"
"It’s a bar."
"A bar! It’s not even noon yet!"
"What’s your point?"
"Eriol, I can not be in a bar, okay?" She tried to pull out of his grip, but he wasn’t letting go. "I don’t go into places like that."
"You do now." He opened the second set of doors, and guided her into the main room. Much to her astonishment, there was already a small crowd there, sipping drinks and quietly talking.
"Lunchtime rush," he explained, and led her to the bartender. They were clearly younger than anyone else in the room, and she flushed again when she saw all the eyes following them. More than one man was staring at her, which she wasn’t used to. Sakura always drew the admiring looks when they went out.
"That school skirt is driving them wild," Eli whispered in her ear, grinning wickedly. Self-consciously she tried to tug it downward, but he took her hands in his and pulled them away. "What, don’t like it when people are looking at you? It’s fun. Give it a shot."
"Well, I…" She noticed that a few women were watching her too, watching her enviously. Eriol certainly did look good. He was all in black today; black jeans and light cotton black shirt, with a few small buttons near the collar that were left undone.
"That’s right. Enjoy it. Sometimes it’s good to be the center of attention. Let ‘em watch. Now what will it be?" He nodded to the selection.
"There’s no way I’m drinking anything alcoholic."
"Right. Two beers, please." He pointed toward a bottle, and the bartender nodded.
"Eriol! That stuff is bad for you!"
"It won’t kill you."
"I don’t care. I’m not drinking it. I decided a long time ago that I would never touch that stuff. It’s just a bad idea." The bartender uncapped both bottles and slid them across the bar.
"One sip won’t kill you. Aren’t you interested in what it tastes like?"
"No."
"You’re not at all curious. You’re just going to stay away from it for your entire life without even knowing what it tastes like."
"That’s the idea." He pressed a cold bottle into her hand.
"Drink it."
"I don’t want to."
"Yes, you do. You’re curious now. You just don’t want to admit it."
She gave him an obstinate look, and he sighed.
"Fine." He put his own bottle to her lips, gripped her hair and tilted her head back. She had no time to react before she’d gulped a mouthful and accidentally swallowed it.
Eriol waited patiently as she choked and gasped and gave him dirty looks.
"Well?"
"That was awful! It tastes terrible."
"Yes, I thought you’d say that." He winked and took the bottle from her hand, placing it on the bar. "Can we get some water over here, please?"
"You knew I’d hate it." It was an accusation.
"Of course. But the point was that you needed to try it. That’s all."
"Preachy son-of-a-bitch," she muttered.
"Oh, and now I’ve pushed her to swearing. I must be having an effect. Who’d have ever thought that the untouchable Tomoyo Daidouji would let someone get to her like this?"
She had no answer for that, and she took a sip of water instead, trying to clear out that vile taste of beer.
"Are you ready?"
"For what?"
"To play."
He nodded toward the pool tables in the middle of the room, and she quickly shook her head.
"Oh, no. I don’t know how. I’ve never played before."
"For a sixteen year-old, there’s an awful lot of stuff that you’ve never done, or even considered, it seems."
"I’ve done more than a lot of my friends have," she said pointedly, and he smiled proudly.
"Yes, that’s true. But that doesn’t excuse you from this. Come on." He took a swallow from his bottle and guided her to the nearest table.
*****
"Sakura?" She glanced up from her lunch to see Li looking at her oddly.
"Yes?"
"Have you – have you felt – oh, I don’t know."
"Have I felt what? Spit it out, Syaoran."
"I just…I’ve got this kind of weird feeling in my mind. Like there’s a familiar presence somewhere nearby, but I can’t think of who it would be. I was wondering if you’d sensed anything."
Sakura shrugged.
"I don’t know. Maybe. I definitely haven’t felt anything powerful or threatening, if that’s what you mean."
"No, nothing like that. Just a familiarity."
"I guess I could try to focus a little harder. You know me, I’m always so scattered that I never notice anything if I’m not looking for it." She concentrated now, pouting in that cute way that she always did. Li couldn’t help but smile at the sight.
"I do, sort of. At least, I think it’s the same thing you’re feeling. But I don’t know. It’s awfully weak. I doubt it’s any kind of threat to us."
She didn’t seem very concerned, and she continued to eat. But Li wasn’t so easily placated.
I didn’t say it was necessarily a threat. But to think that it might have something to do with Tomoyo’s behavior? It’s a stretch. I can’t mention it to Sakura, I don’t have anything to back it up. I’ll just have to be extra careful. I don’t want anything to hurt Tomoyo.
Not after what I did to her.
*****
"How about that one?"
"No, you can’t hit that one in yet."
"Why not?"
"Because it’s the eight ball. It has to be last."
Stupid rules, thought Tomoyo, and pouted. Then she felt a flicker of surprise; she’d never thought that a rule was stupid before. Eriol glanced up, a hopeful expression in his eyes. But she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction; she wouldn’t say it aloud.
"Fine, then what should I hit?"
"There. The blue one."
"How am I supposed to hit that? I can’t reach."
"Sure you can."
He stepped behind her and bent her over the table.
"Here, aim like this." He was pressing up behind her now, his arms around her as he positioned the cue stick in her hands. A tingly warmth spread through her body, and her breath was coming in rapid and shallow gasps.
"I know what you’re thinking about," he murmured, lips brushing against her ear. "Just ask me. We can stop right now."
She tightened her grip on the stick.
No. He will not reduce me to asking for it. I won’t play his stupid game.
She snapped the stick out with force, and the blue ball went spinning into the pocket.
"There. I did it. Now get away, already."
Eriol gave a little sigh that was halfway between resigned and patient, and backed away just enough to let her straighten and turn around.
"Good shot," he praised.
"I know. I don’t need your approval. I don’t need anything from you."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much." His hands crept to the hem of her skirt. All around her she could feel the stares of the other bar patrons.
"Eriol, please. People are watching."
"I find it ironic that that bothers you."
"What’s that supposed to mean?"
"Oh nothing." He stepped away from her at last, his expression unreadable. "Nothing at all."
After lunch and two more games, she was actually starting to get pretty good. Eriol had to pull her away from the table.
"Hey!"
"Come along, little girl. You need to do this while it’s still early afternoon."
"Do what?"
"The next step."
*****
"Ignition, throttle, brake," he explained, pointing out the various controls. "Keep the speed steady and turn the handlebars gently. No sharp corners. Got it?"
Tomoyo stared at him, her mouth still open.
"You’re not serious."
"I am absolutely serious."
"I can’t drive this thing!"
"You’ve never tried it. How would you know?"
"I just know."
"Not much of an argument."
"Well, it’s all you’re going to get." She turned away and tried to leave, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"You can’t keep doing this, Tomoyo. You can’t keep turning away before you try. Open up. Give it a shot."
"Eriol, I can not do this. I could get into an accident. I could die."
"Maybe. Or you could spend the rest of your days sitting safe behind the camera, never knowing real life, never allowing your true emotions to rule your actions, never even allowing anyone to know what those true feelings are. Think about a life like that. Is it really what you want?"
Her father’s conversation flashed through her mind: her mother, shut off from her own husband, walling off her emotions.
"I’m scared."
"That’s okay. That’s human. It doesn’t mean you can’t do this." He lifted the helmet off the handlebars and pushed it into her hands. "You’ve got this. You’ll be fine."
"But you don’t have a helmet."
He hoisted her in the air and sat her down on the bike.
"I trust you."
And then he kissed her.
*****
Okay, Tomoyo. Deep breath. You can do this.
The engine was thrumming, the bike vibrating impatiently beneath her. Eriol’s grip on her waist was calm and secure. Cautiously she let up on the brake, and the bike jerked forward. She gasped, but refused to panic. If he trusted her, then maybe she could do this.
This time she released the brake in a smoother motion, and they glided forward. Then she fed the engine a little fuel and they started moving even faster. Gradually she increased their speed, and they completed a large circle in the empty parking lot.
This isn’t so bad. I think I’m getting this.
The hands on her waist squeezed gently, prodding her onward. She knew it was time to leave the lot, nervous though she was.
I guess it’s now or never.
She pulled out onto the street, a blessedly quiet and empty street. It was the lull between lunch and afternoon rush hour, and she had freedom to motor up to the streetlight as slowly as she liked.
"No more hesitating, Tomoyo," he said behind her, so low that she was surprised she could hear him at all through the helmet. "Seize this, already!"
**
Eriol couldn’t wait anymore and lay her down on the ground, underneath the shelter of the giant penguin slide. He couldn’t afford to play with her this time; he wanted her, he needed her. She was the most exciting woman he knew, and he had to be with her.
**
A rush of adrenaline swept through Tomoyo as she pressed on the gas. She was really starting to get the hang of this now, and they roared down the street. He was pushing slightly now, signaling her to go faster. She obeyed, and they turned the corner without hardly slowing down at all.
Feeling strong, feeling dangerous, she zipped down the street in front of their school. Students were just beginning to filter out from the last class, and Yamazaki jumped up when he saw them go by.
"Look, look, there she is!"
Rika and Chiharu both turned, but the bike was already out of sight.
"Look at what?"
"Tomoyo! She was driving this time, I could see her hair from underneath the helmet."
"Takashi," Chiharu said warningly. "You’re getting on my last nerve."
"But - "
"Enough!"
**
She was so much more than what everyone thought, so much darker, so much more fascinating. Eriol was addicted to her skin, he couldn’t stop kissing it as he tore off her blouse. She was moaning with pleasure this time, but still wordless.
**
Touya came to a stop at the light and tapped lightly on the steering wheel in time with the song on the radio. He was gazing absentmindedly at the intersection before him when a motorcycle shot through it at full speed.
Was that – nah. It looked like her hair, but that couldn’t have been Tomoyo. That guy looked familiar though. Didn’t really get a good look.
**
She was actually responding to his caresses now, probably unaware that she was even doing it. Frantically he pushed harder, and Tomoyo gasped in delight.
"Oh god," she whispered.
"Tell me you love it," he pleaded. "Say that you want me."
"I – I w…" Her words were lost in a soundless scream of ecstasy.
**
With a flourish she came to a stop in the park. The engine shuddered into silence as she jumped down and pulled off the helmet.
"Wow! Oh, wow, did you see that? Did you see the way that I came to a stop? That was perfect, wasn’t it? And how fast I was going in the streets? I did awesome, didn’t I? Didn’t I?"
Her eyes were sparkling, and he smiled. The woman before him was glowing with excitement and pride, unmatched by any previous excitement she’d had at dressing Sakura up or catching a good capture on tape. This time, she was proud of what she had done.
She’s so much more than what meets the eye. I have to be with her, now.
**
They were both panting and sweaty by the time they were through, and Tomoyo lay her head on his chest in exhaustion. She felt as though she’d been turned inside out.
"You were so close that time," he murmured wistfully. "So close to admitting it."
"Admitting what? That you’re seducing me? Taking advantage of a girl so much younger than yourself?"
"Technically, you’re older than I am."
"You know what I mean. Your body may only be sixteen, but your mind is so much older. A dangerous combination, if you ask me."
"Is that why you like it so much? The danger excites you, doesn’t it? You like getting into difficult relationships."
She sat up and frowned up at him.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
He looked at her silently for a moment, then began to dress.
"Hey, don’t ignore me! What is that supposed to mean?"
"You forgave your father too easily." He ducked under the low arch, leaving her confused and a little annoyed. What business was it of his what was going on between her and her father?
"Hey, wait a second! What do you think you know about my family?" She pulled on her skirt and followed, still buttoning her blouse.
He was leaning against the railing by the creek, lighting a cigarette.
"Since when do you smoke?"
Only when I’m frustrated, he thought, but didn’t say it aloud.
"Does it make you angry?" he asked instead.
"You can do whatever you want. I don’t care."
She crossed her arms and he shook his head slightly as he exhaled.
"Why won’t you hit back, Tomoyo? Why do you insist on absorbing everything?"
"Absorbing what?"
"Pain. Loneliness. Abandonment. He gave you all that when he walked out on you thirteen years ago. You have your father to thank for the way you are."
"My father left because he had to."
"Never even contacted you, though, did he?"
"He couldn’t, my mother - "
Eriol waved an impatient hand.
"Please. Tomoyo, we’re talking about your father here. You know, deep down, that it should not take thirteen years for a man to call up his only child. Why did you forgive him?"
Tomoyo looked away from his intense blue eyes.
"As if you’re one to talk," she snapped. "You kissed me, then you disappeared for two and half years, then you swept back in again and molested me. What kind of excuse do you have?"
"For the hundredth time, you let me. You liked it, and you know it. You’re enjoying yourself, and it doesn’t bother you one bit that I was gone all that time. Why is that, Tomoyo? Why do you accept people turning their backs on you, ignoring you? Your mother left the country right before your birthday. Why aren’t you furious at her?"
He was exploring all her wounds methodically, one by one. She pulled distractedly at her hair and glared at him.
"She couldn’t help it, she had to work. My mother loves me, and she takes good care of me - " Eriol groaned and flicked his cigarette into the creek.
"Damn it, Tomoyo! Get angry! For the love of god, hit back for once in your life. Just because he left you all those years ago does not mean you have to be alone!"
"I’m not alone! I have my friends. They stick by me, no matter what. Not like you."
"They stick by you until they want to be alone with each other, you mean. And you endure it. You watch them kissing, hell, you record them kissing and then you watch it again! Doesn’t it ever occur to you to be hurt by that? To feel sad?"
Now he was really getting personal, and she gripped the railing with one hand, trying to steady herself.
"True love," she protested. "True love is being happy when your loved one is happy - "
"Oh stop it, already. Quit feeding yourself that line to help you sleep at night. The truth is that you’re just fine with how things turned out. It’s all you know how to cope with."
"No, I - "
"If she turned around tomorrow, Tomoyo. If she turned around tomorrow and said that she loved you and not him, would you even know how to deal with it?"
She was silent, trembling slightly as she stared at him.
"That’s what I thought. You only know how to watch, and how to love. You can’t comprehend the thought of someone watching you or loving you back. You don’t know how!"
"Stop it!" she screamed, and clapped her hands over her ears. "Shut up!"
"It’s the truth, Tomoyo, you know it is. I’m the only one that bothered to uncover it, but it’s there, plain as day. No wonder you never get out from behind that camera. You’re scared that people might actually look at you."
"It’s not true!" she shouted desperately. "I’m not scared that people will look at me! I – I’m in the choir. I sing!"
"You can sing," he corrected her. "How often do you, actually? Away from the group and the assigned solos. Do you ever just get up and sing for the hell of it?"
"Just shut up, already! I don’t have to stand here and listen to this. Who gave you the right to go poking around in my mind: reading my thoughts, analyzing me, trying to change who I am?"
"Somebody had to do it."
"Why you? Answer me that, Eriol. Why are you doing this to me? Is it some kind of game for you, a challenge to occupy your mind now that the cards are transformed?"
His eyes told her the answer.
"How dare you," she gritted. "You’ve got some nerve, accusing me of being unavailable. You look down over all us, playing with us, using us. You sent a piano chasing after me. You trapped me in alternate dimensions. And now you’ve toyed with my emotions and messed with my mind. Are you through with me yet, Eriol?"
"I was only doing what had to be done."
"You think you know so damn much. Well, know this. I want you to stay away from me. I’m through being your toy."
She spun on her heels, trying to blink away the tears, and almost ran away. He didn’t try to follow.
*****
Bastard, she fumed on her way home. How dare he? How dare he use me like that? Who does he think he is? What made him think that he could do that to me?
She was focusing her rage on him, dwelling on his wrongs, shutting out the remainder of the conversation. That wasn’t something that she wanted to think about.
How could I let him do those things to me? What is going on? I’m slipping – that’s it. I just lost control there for a little while; I was thrown off by Dad and Eriol suddenly coming back into town. Well, no more. It’s time to focus.
Tomoyo saw the fabric store across the street and marched into it. She was disheveled, dusty, and had no money on her at all, but that was all right. The clerk was more than happy to credit the bolt of lavender satin to Tomoyo Daidouji’s account.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
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