The Rules - Revised- Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS

The Rules, Revised

Recap: “It’s the past now.” He replied. “What I want to know is if I can have a future.” He paused. “With you.” Sakura blinked a few times. Her heart was screaming for her to say yes, but her mind was reeling.

“Syaoran.” She whispered. “I… I need to think. It’s just so fast. Too fast. Just… Give me a day or two.”

Syaoran nodded, “I’ll be here when you need me.” He didn’t let go and she didn’t tell him to. For now, she’d stay in his arms allowing him to care for her before she had to make a decision. Follow her heart. Or follow her head.

Chapter Nine

Sakura paced in her room. She wondered if this would become her permanent room if she married him. She was quite fond of the room and would be sad to leave it, if she did in fact decide to leave. She sighed and sat, how was she supposed to know if she wanted to marry him? She thought, Well, that’s not true. I do want to marry him. She let out a deep breath. She couldn’t imagine life without him now, was that love? Did that fact that she’d spent every waking moment (and sometimes sleeping moments too) thinking about him prove that she loved him? Did the fact that her heart beat irregularly every time she thought about him mean that she felt something for him? Was that the truth of it? Was her body, heart and soul connect to him to entirely that the thought of leaving him made her nauseous? The only thing that seemed to protest was her mind. It warned her that it was too soon. She’d only known him for a month, how could she possibly be in love with him? Her heart protested and said that it didn’t matter how long she’d known him it only matter how much she loved him. And what was with all this talk of love? She buried her head into her pillow with frustration. She’d never thought she’d be debating with herself so much over a guy. A god forsaken man! She no longer clung to her ideas of him just plotting all these schemes to make her fall for him. He wouldn’t have done all he’d done for her if he’d just wanted her as a toy, or an item to show off. No, he loved her. He’d said it himself two nights ago. She sighed again, “Why is this happening to me?” she asked the air. “What is happening to me?”

--

Syaoran had been in a nervous state since he’d proposed to Sakura. He’d expected some hesitation but he had been confident that she’d accept him. Now however he was worried she wouldn’t. He held his head between his hands. “Why wont she admit it?” He asked the walls. “Why won’t she just let herself go?”

--

Sakura wandered the house, getting lost. She wanted to think some more but being cooped up in that one room was driving her mad. It would take some getting used to… freedom. She’d never fully felt free before. And she didn’t feel completely free now, but she felt freer than she ever had. She was tied to Syaoran, she knew that. It was as if there were strings attached to her heart and in turn they were connected to him. She was scared. Scared that if she walked away the strings would eventually break and scared that no matter how far or how long she walked that the strings would continue to function. She was scared to – the dreaded word- love him, and was in turn scared not to. It was quick, she didn’t expect him to ask her to marry him of all things. To stay maybe, but to marry? Sakura put her back against the wall and slid down it. She wanted to sit a while. Her mind was running so fast it was giving her a headache and her heart was aching so terribly that it was making her breath come out in low shallow bits of air. If she continued on like this she would overexert herself.

--

Two days, Three days, Four days passed after the death of Kinomoto-san and Sakura still hadn’t made her decision. She’d been completely avoiding Syaoran and now Syaoran as avoiding her. He dreaded her answer so he fled from her as much as he could. She’d have to answer soon and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why it’d taken her so long to reach a verdict if it wasn’t to reject him. He convinced himself that she was stalling hoping he might forget so that he wouldn’t be hurt by her rejection. But In Sakura’s case she’d simply been trying so hard to dim the fight inside of her that she’d forgotten how many hours went by, how many days. To her it could have been hours since he’d proposed to her, it seemed like days… but how could she be sure? With her mind so wrapped up she never found time to check a clock or a calendar, without Wei’s help she may not have even remembered to eat. Most times she forgot even to sleep.

“Miss Sakura.” Wei interrupted her inner battle, for which she was thankful for it was giving her a dreadful headache. “Would you like a meal?” Sakura blinked a few times but nodded, she’d forgotten to eat again. She tried to remember how many meals she’d eaten that might give her a sense of time, of date.

“What day is it Wei?” She asked.

“It has been four days since your father’s death Miss Sakura.” Wei answered.

“Four days?!” She exclaimed, how could she have let so much time pass? She’d promised him an answer days ago and had never given it. She still couldn’t give it. She didn’t know what she was going to say.

“Shall I bring the meal up here, to your bedroom?” He asked politely. Sakura nodded. Lately Wei had been searching her out in order to remind her to eat. He’d always been able to find her and bring food to her when she accepted his offers.

“Syaoran.” She whispered. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do when he confronted her. Her heart screamed yes but her head screamed no and inwardly she shouted ‘shut up’. She just wanted to know who was right and who was wrong! It didn’t concern her as to how long Wei had been gone, time was meaningless. When he returned she ate the meal he set out for her in a daze. She didn’t even taste the food as she chewed, it was to keep her sustained not to enjoy. She smiled at Wei as best as she could before walking out of the room, once again .

She let her feet take her where they wanted this day. Usually she had a vague idea of how far and where she wanted to go, keeping a part of her mind her own. Now she allowed herself to truly get lost in herself. She watched the floor as she walked, never wondering where it was going to take her, only when she realized she’d walked a full circle did she look up. She wasn’t in front of her door anymore though, she was in front of Syaoran’s. Why? She asked why did my feel bring me here. The answer was simple and was supplied by the heart. ‘ because this is where you want to be’ it replied. It was a simple enough answer and true enough, but was it right? Was this where she belonged? She sighed and walked away, she needed to share her feelings with someone else. Share her doubts.

“Wei,” She asked seeing the man. “Will you walk with me?”

Wei accepted the invitation.

Together they walked, this time outside for Wei said it was much nicer outside than in. He was of course right. The fresh air helped clear her mind and allowed her to relax more than she had in the last few days.

“Wei.” She began. “I don’t understand it. My mind is screaming at me to walk away, but my heart is screaming for me to stay. Which one do I trust?”

“Your heart.” He answered simply. “Your heart is always right. It always does what’s best for you.”

“How do you know?” She asked curiously.

“My heart,” He replied, “Brought me many aches and pains but it’s brought me many joys that many never thought could be felt.”

Sakura inquired to how, and why, such a thing could happen and what those joys were.

“Your heart leads you to where you need to be.” He answered. “Mine first brought me to Li Yelan in my young years. She had been just married and was scared. My heart brought me to her and allowed me to comfort her. In turn I became apart of this household, her household and was able to look after and care for all of Yelan’s children. You might not know this, but Syaoran has four sisters all grown and married. My heart brought me to them and I never regret the paths it chose for me.” Wei smiled. “I watched everyone grow up, I comforted them in their times of needs, I took care of each and every one of them.” Sakura watched him closely. “There are many things I wish I could have done.” He said. “But I don’t regret any of the things I have done. Yelan allowed me into her home when I had none of my own. I’ve done my best to keep up to every expectation she has ever had of me.” Sakura realized it then. Realized all the pains that Wei felt then and still felt now. He loved Yelan with all his heart and his heart would forever lead him to her.

“I don’t want my heart to lead me to pain.” She whispered. Wei smiled kindly down at her with a kind of fatherly affection she’d never felt before.

“I don’t believe that yours will lead you to pain.” He told her calmly. “Yours knows how much pain you have suffered already and only wishes you to listen to it so it may help you.”

“How can you know?” She asked frustrated.

“Because your heart is pure. And it loves with more passion and caring than all others. It will lead you to the right place.” He assured her. “ Just listen to it as it whispers.” They spent the rest of the walk was spent in cheerful conversation, the first time Sakura had laughed in the long days since her father’s murder.

--

She felt sure that she’d made the right decision. She was sure of it. So if she was so sure then why did she feel so nervous. She sucked in a deep breath and knocked at his door. She knew he was there, she’d seen him go in there after his dinner. It had now been Six long days since she’s promised him an answer, four days overdue.

“Come in.” His voice was laced with strain. Sakura slowly opened the door and stepped in.

“Syaoran.” She said softly, “I need to talk to you.”

“I knew you would come.” He replied finally. He sat up, offering her a place beside him on his bed. Sakura sat beside him.

“I’m sorry,” She said. “For the long wait.” She smiled sadly, “Time didn’t register in my mind. I’ve spent the last six days fighting a battle inside of myself. Between my heart and my head , one had to be the victor. I didn’t know which one to follow.” She confessed. “It drove me into all kinds of states. It was only because of Wei that I remembered to eat. I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours since your proposal.” She saw his eyes fall. “But not because of what you think.” She smiled. “I have not come to reject you.”

“You haven’t?” His surprise was evident.

“You should stop worrying so much, your hair will grey and wrinkles never look very flattering.” She replied jokingly. “No Syaoran, I have not come to reject you. I’ve made my decision. I’m following my heart.” She stroked his face gently. “when I listened to my hearts voice, it’s plea I found that it spoke of all the things I wanted, all the things I could have. It’s been weeks since I fell in love with you.” She confessed happily. “I never meant to. But even before you’d confessed to me, I’d known that I wanted you in my life.” She paused. “forever.”

“I never thought I’d hear you say those words.” He whispered.

“I pray though, that our children aren’t as mischievous as Wei claims you and your sisters were.” She felt her self unable to stop smiling. She’d never felt to happy. When she accepted her hearts decision the chains that had bound her broke off. The string, as she’d described it, tightened, thickened, held her tighter to him and she knew it wasn’t going to break no matter how far she walked. So why walk? She asked herself. Why be incontent when I can be as happy as I dare to be. She held his face between her hands, observing his face memorizing each feature.

“I think,” She said. “For all the confusion you’ve caused me. You owe me a few things.”

“Like what?” He asked. He was willing to give her anything. Everything! His smile was not easily masked.

“A ring for starters.” She said. “I want everyone to know that I love you, and that you love me.”

“Consider it done.” He replied, it was an easy request.

“A beautiful baby I have no doubt you will give me.” She said to herself. “So all that’s left to ask for is—“

“My loyalty?” He asked. ”you have it. My undying love? You have it. My life? My soul? My honour? You have it all.”

“Yes, yes.” She smiled, “That is all good and well but no.” Syaoran blinked, no?

“No, I was simply going to tell you that you owe me a kiss.” Her eyes sparkled.

“You have it.” He answered her.