Chapter 2
‘starting to heal’
- - at one week - -This is nice, thought Li. This feels…extremely good.
Sakura pressed a little closer to him, and let him explore with his tongue even further.
But it’s not typical.
She was taking his hands, guiding them to her shirt. He pulled them away; she reached for them again and placed them on her waistline.
“Sakura?” With some difficulty he managed to pull away from her mouth.
“What?”
“Sakura, are you all right? You’re moving a little fast.”
“Don’t be silly, Syaoran, I’m fine. It’s just that you’re leaving tomorrow and I want to enjoy this as much as possible.” She was on him again before he had a chance to respond, so heavily that they toppled over together on the ground. They were underneath the giant penguin slide for privacy, but Li was still a little nervous. He didn’t like to think of how many ways Touya would kill him if he happened to find them like this.
Now Sakura was rolling onto her back, pulling him on top of her.
“Okay, no.” He pushed himself off. “Sakura, what’s wrong?” She pouted.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just want to be with you.”
“And by ‘with me’, you mean…”
“Totally.” Her eyes lit up and she pulled him back to her by his shirt. He had to twist her wrists to free himself.
“Ouch!”
“Sorry. Sakura, this isn’t right. You can’t do this.”
“Yes, I can. Come on. I know you want to.” Li swallowed. He was a fourteen year-old boy, and his body was screaming that he very much did want it. But he knew it wasn’t right.
“Sakura, this is not the way to deal with things.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.” He propped his head up on one elbow and traced his finger lovingly along the neckline of her shirt. “This is not the way to forget your grief. You know it won’t make you feel better in the long term.”
“I feel pretty good right now. Isn’t that why you’re here? To help me feel better?”
“Believe me, it’s my ambition in life to help you feel good, Sakura. But it can’t happen now. You’ll only regret it later. You’re thirteen, it’s just too young.” Inwardly she groaned as she looked up into his brown eyes. He was right, she knew it; it was for the best. But that didn’t make it any easier.
“Life is so short, Syaoran.”
“I know.”
“One day you’re here, the next you’re gone. It can happen so quick; so fast that a person can’t even remember if they said goodbye to you that day or not.” She took Li’s hand in hers and held it to her face, seeking comfort.
“Who knows if there was anything that he wanted to say, or do, before it happened. Was there anything that he wanted to tell us? Anything that he wanted to do with his life? We’ll never know now.”
“I think he looked pretty content.”
“Content, maybe, but fulfilled? Happy? I was content too. Now I’m realizing how quickly it goes, how time can run out on you. I don’t want to die before I can have sex.”
Li smiled a little sadly. As if she didn’t have anything else to worry about, or think about. She’d latched onto this one idea to help her deal with the mourning. Poor Sakura.
He leaned down and planted a light kiss on her soft lips.
“I promise to have sex with you before you die, Sakura. But it will have to wait a few years. We have to be ready. Okay?”
She nodded, a look of regret and longing still in her eyes. But she was impressed, nonetheless.
“You’re very sweet, not taking advantage of me.”
“That’s me, sweet through and through.” She giggled. “Actually, it’s just because I know your brother would crucify me if he ever found out. I’d like to live, too.” That reminded him that they had better get going. It was starting to get dusky outside.
“Come on, we’ll be late for dinner. It will look suspicious.” He rolled to his feet and held out his hand for her.
“I suppose we should go,” she sighed. “I wish he wasn’t so adamant about me being home before sunset.” She stood and brushed the dirt off her school uniform. Li picked up her bookbag and shouldered it.
“He just wants to prove that he’ll be a good parent. I’m sure he’ll relax after a few weeks. He has his own classwork to worry about, after all.”
“Right.” She took his hand. “Just a little more time is all he needs. Then he’ll calm down.”
- - at two weeks - -“Sakura!” Touya rummaged through the fridge. Had he remembered to buy milk? Growing girls were supposed to get a glassful every day. Where was the damn milk?
“Sakura, are you up? You’re going to be late!” He bumped his head on the freezer as he stood up.
“It’s already out, Toya,” Yukito said calmly from the table.
“Ouch. What?” He rubbed his head and glared at the bottom of the staircase. Still no Sakura.
“The milk. I got it out five minutes ago.” He nodded to where it sat on the counter.
“Oh. Thanks. Sakura!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she snapped as she took the stairs two at a time.
“Question: do you even know how that alarm clock works? I’d be glad to show you sometime.” She glared at him as she tried to comb out her tangled hair. “Jesus, look at you, you’re a mess.” He reached forward and brushed her hair back from her face. “Why can’t you wake up earlier?” She knocked his hand away irritably.
“You’re no picture yourself, brother.” He hadn’t tucked his shirt in yet, and his tie hung around his neck. “Look at your shirt, it’s all wrinkled. Ever hear of an iron?” Now it was his turn to glare, and he fastened his tie around his neck.
“I would have been happy to iron my shirt if I’d had the time last night. But somebody left her clothes in the dryer last night, and I couldn’t get to it.”
“What are you scowling at me for? Yesterday was my turn for the machine.”
“No, we switched. Remember? On Tuesday you asked to take my day because you needed to wash your uniforms.”
“We switched?”
“Yep.”
“Yukito-san?”
“You agreed to switch.” Her shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Damn.”
“You watch your mouth, young lady. Now get something to eat already. You’ll be late.” He returned his attention to the notes on the countertop as he tucked his shirt in. “Don’t forget the milk.”
“How could I? You’re obsessed with it. I’m not going to die of osteoporosis, you know.” She poured some cereal in a bowl. “Anyway, it’s really your fault. If you’d come home early last night like you said you would, you could have reminded me about the laundry.”
Touya’s eyes roved over his notes; he really needed to memorize these formulas.
“What are you talking about?”
“My algebra. You said you’d come home early from the library and help me with it.” Touya looked up, horrified, at Yukito.
“I did?”
Yukito nodded. “You did.”
“Damn it!” He whirled around to face Sakura. “Were you able to do your homework? Is it finished?”
“Hai, Onii-chan. I did it on the phone with Tomoyo-chan.”
“Are you sure? You have to keep your grades up, you know.”
“Does the word ‘duh’ mean anything to you?”
She picked up her bowl and tried to move to the table; he blocked her way.
“Are you sure you understand it all right?”
“I’m fine with it, Nii-chan. Let me sit down already.” Touya wavered. He couldn’t believe that he’d let her down like that. What if she failed her class? He moved back over to his notebook and opened it to an empty page.
“You say you got it?”
“Yes.”
“Then here.” He finished scribbling a problem and tore off the page. “Do this.”
“Excuse me?” He handed her a pencil.
“You should be able to do this in five minutes. If you can’t, then we’re going over it this weekend. And drink your milk.” He turned away and started to make her lunch as she gaped in astonishment.
“This borders on abuse,” she complained to Yukito. He smiled at her, amused.
“Can you do it?”
“Well…” She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes as she studied the problem, then started to scribble. By the time Touya was done in the kitchen, she was finished.
“Done!” she announced triumphantly. He snatched it out of her hands to check it.
“Okay… it’s correct.”
“Ha!”
“But we should work on it this weekend anyway. It took you too long.”
“Onii-chan!”
“No argument.”
“But don’t you have midterms next week?”
“You let me worry about that.” He took her empty bowl to rinse it out in the sink. It would be tricky, but he could manage it. If he spent a couple hours with her tonight, then he could spend the weekend in the library….
“What time will you be home tonight?”
“What do you mean, what time?” She was picking up her bag now, getting ready to go, and she frowned at him. “Onii-chan, tonight’s the last game of the season. You said you’d come watch me.”
Oh damn, she was right. He had promised. Those green eyes were getting bigger, and a little misty.
“Don’t worry, squirt, I’ll be there.” He picked up her lunch and crossed the kitchen to push it in her hands. “We’ll both be there, and we can give you a ride home after half-time. Then we can work on algebra. Okay?”
“All right,” she agreed reluctantly. “Just so long as you get to see me perform.”
“It’ll happen,” he assured her, and kissed her on the forehead. “Have a good day.”
“-kay. Bye!” She rushed out the front door, leaving him to sink into a chair and bury his face in his hands. Once more, he’d barely survived another morning, and he was exhausted.
“Come on, Toya, wake up. We’ll be late for chem lab.” And the day was only just beginning.
“Don’t worry, Toya. I think you’re getting better.”
“Really, you think so?”
“Oh yes. She was out of the door three minutes earlier than yesterday.”
“I guess that’s encouraging.”
“You’ll make it, Toya. I promise.”
- - - - - -
Touya yawned as he watched his sister dance on the field, her baton sparkling in the field lights as she tossed it in the air. He knew he’d be pulling all-nighters the whole weekend for his midterms, and he was already tired just thinking about it.
“Shake it, sweetie!”
Abruptly, Touya sat up straight.
“Who said that? Did you see who that was?”
Yukito shook his head. “No, I didn’t catch him. Don’t worry about it, Toya. We’ll be driving her home in a few minutes.” Tory was still scanning the bleachers with a scowl.
“I’ll break his neck.”
“No, you won’t. Calm down and watch your sister. That’s why we’re here, remember?”
“Hmph.”
“You know, Toya, I’m not sure if you’re fully appreciating what’s going on on that field out there.”
“What, my sister in a tiny skirt being lusted after by total strangers?”
“No,” Yukito said wryly. “Take a look at her face. See that smile?” Touya muttered something. “It’s been just two weeks since the funeral. And here she is, dancing and twirling in front of her classmates. She’s healing. And you’re helping with that.”
A tiny smile flitted across Touya’s face. “You think so?”
“I’m sure of it. The two of you have a rhythm now, and she’s responding to you. She knows how much you care.” Cautiously he placed his hand over Touya’s. “You’re making it work. You should be proud.”
Sakura finished her routine and the crowd erupted in cheers and whistles. For once, Touya didn’t fret about who was staring at Sakura the wrong way. Instead he looked into Yukito’s eyes and smiled gratefully.
“Thanks, Yuki. Love you.”
“Yeah. I know.”
- - at one month - -Sakura was making little humming noises as she straddled Li on the chair and pressed harder with the kiss. His hands traveled down her body and rested on her tiny waist, and he moved to her ear with his mouth.
“Mmm… that tickles.” She giggled.
“Do you want me to go lower?”
“Sure.” He traced his tongue down the side of neck, then began to suck hard. “Oh… that feels so good.”
He pulled back with a grin.
“You think that feels good? You should try this.” A joint was lying on the table next to the chair, and he picked it up.
“I’m going to inhale this,” he explained, “and then when we kiss, I’ll blow it into your mouth. Ready?” She nodded, her eyes glowing with excitement.
“I’m ready to do anything with you tonight, Syaoran. Let’s go all the way.”
Touya jerked awake, terror surging through him and his breath coming in ragged gasps. His heart was beating fast and hard, and it took almost a full minute for him to realize that it was just a dream. Just a nightmare, no reason to panic.
Beside him in bed, Yukito was sleeping peacefully. They’d moved in to the master bedroom when he decided to move in. Touya had felt a little uncomfortable with it, but Sakura seemed happy with their decision. To her, the situation probably resembled having parents. She needed the structure.
Sakura…
His palms broke out in a cold sweat as he recalled his nightmare. It was no good; he couldn’t let it rest like this.
Quietly he rolled out of bed and pulled on his robe. Yukito didn’t stir, and he slipped out the door and down the hallway. He would never be totally sure. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many rules he set, he would never be completely convinced that he was doing a good job.
Her door was open a crack, and he crept to the side of her bed.
“Sakura? Sakura, wake up.”
“Hmm…” She rolled over and mumbled something.
“Sakura, can you hear me?” Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him blearily.
“Nii-chan? Something wrong?”
“Sakura, I have to know. Have you ever done drugs?” For a moment she just stared into his anxious eyes. Then she groaned and rolled over.
“Go back to bed, Nii-chan.”
“Sakura, I’m serious.”
“So am I. Onii-chan, I’m the Cardmistress; I can fly. I don’t need anything to get high. I can’t believe you think I would even touch that stuff!”
“Are you sure?”
“Onii-chan!”
“What’s going on out there?” Kero poked his head out of his drawer with a sleepy scowl on his face.
“Nothing, Kero-chan. Nii-chan was just leaving. Right?” She rolled back a little so she could glare at him over her shoulder.
“Okay, okay, I’m going. I just had to know.”
“Goodnight, Onii-chan.” She pulled her pillow over her head, and Touya surrendered. He retreated to her door and paused before shutting it behind him.
He would never know if he was doing a good job. All he could do was just… trust her. Like she’d trusted him to be her guardian in the first place.
“Goodnight, Sakura.”
- - at three months - -Sakura loved vacation. For once, she could sleep in, and not worry about her brother yelling at her to get a move on. She smiled sleepily at the snow that was falling outside her window, then pulled her covers up to her chin and closed her eyes again. It was going to be a great day.
Downstairs, Touya sipped his coffee and reveled in the peace and quiet. The snow outside was muffling all sounds, and making the house feel cozy and warm. He had two weeks before school started again, and he was determined to enjoy it.
Two weeks… wait a second. What day was it today? He frowned a little as he moved to the daily calendar by the kitchen window. Yesterday’s page was still there, and he tore it off. Then, hesitantly, he tore off the next page as well.
“Ohayo.”
“Ohayo.” Touya crumpled both pages in his hand and turned around to face Yukito. “Really coming down out there, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Something tells me today is going to be a quiet, do-nothing, sort of day. The kind of day when you just lay around with your favorite person and refuse to think too hard.” Touya grinned.
“I can do that, I think.” He let Yukito lean against him on the counter’s edge and they shared a kiss. After Yukito reluctantly pulled away, he yawned and stretched his arms above his head.
“I’m thinking it’s time to make some pancakes.”
“Sounds good to me.” Yukito turned away to open the fridge, and Touya threw the papers into the kitchen trash.
- - - - - -
Ring… ring…
Touya reached for the phone and picked it up as he continued to stir the hot chocolate.
“Moshi-moshi?”
Li bit back a groan of annoyance. Damn.
“Kinomoto…san. May I speak to Sakura, please?”
“Li-kun,” Touya greeted cheerfully. “Of course you can speak to my sister.”
“Really?”
“No.”
He was about to hang up when Sakura caught his arm. “Nice try, Nii-chan. Now give me the phone.”
“Damn, how did you hear? What are you, a bat?”
“You can build no moats between true love, Onii-chan. Now give it.”
“No.”
“Onii-chan!” With some difficulty she wrested the phone from his grasp and turned her back on him.
“Moshi-moshi, Syaoran!” Her tone turned from annoyed to sugary sweet in an instant, and Touya made a face.
“Oh, things are fine. It’s snowing here, so we’re just having a quiet day. How’s Meilin-chan?”
It was going to be one of those long conversations, he knew, so Touya picked up his and Yukito’s mugs and retreated to the living room.
“She won’t be joining us for the movie,” he announced dismally. “The brat’s called. We can expect her in two to four hours.”
Yukito chuckled. “Well, that’s all right with me.” He picked up the remote and pushed Play. “I should think you’d be pleased. He’s probably calling to check and see how she’s doing. Isn’t it nice that he’s so concerned?”
“Hmph. I know what he’s after.”
“Well, he’s in Hong Kong, and you’re safe for the time being. It’s supposed to be a quiet day, remember? Try to relax.”
That’s right, Touya reminded himself. He put an arm around Yukito, who leaned his head on his shoulder. Quiet day. She won’t know, and it’ll be okay. Just an ordinary, normal day.
- - - - - -
“I have to go,” Li said apologetically. “It’s time for dinner.” Surprised, Sakura checked the clock by the oven.
“Gosh, already? Where did the time go?” It was dark outside now, and she was starting to get hungry herself. They must have talked for a couple of hours at least.
“It was good to hear your voice again. So sweet of you to call.”
“Well, I wanted to hear your voice too. I just wanted to check on you, you know.” Li sounded a little hesitant. “Make sure you’re all right.” She smiled a little sadly.
“I’ll be fine, Syaoran. We’re getting by, day by day. It’s working out all right.”
“Good. Then… you’re okay today?” She frowned a little.
“Yes, I’m okay.”
“All right.” He sounded relieved. “I’ll let you go then. I love you. Bye.”
“Love you too.” Rather strange. Why did he keep pressing the issue? Sakura shrugged and hung up the phone.
Hundreds of miles away, Meilin examined Li’s face.
“Was she all right?”
He shrugged quizzically. “She was fine. It almost sounded as though she didn’t know what I was talking about. Maybe Daidouji got the date wrong.”
“Hard to believe. Tomoyo-san’s never wrong.”
“Yeah, I know it. Oh well. All that matters is that she’s okay.”
“And she rejoins the world,” commented Yukito as he entered the kitchen. She giggled.
“Hey, we had a lot to talk about. Are you ready for dinner? I’ll make it; you made breakfast.”
“Sounds good to me.” Affectionately he reached out and massaged her shoulders a little, and she closed her eyes in delight.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling fine. Why?”
“No reason. Just checking.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “How would you like to go shopping tomorrow? You’ve been growing so fast; you’re outgrowing all of your clothes.”
“Mmm… I do need some new sweaters. They’re starting to get kind of tight. Thanks for offering.”
“No problem. I know Toya tries to ignore the fact that you’re growing, so he’ll never notice. It’ll be easier if I take you.”
Sakura smiled, and wondered for the hundredth time where they would be without Yukito. She’d been right; they had needed him.
“Will this snow be over by tomorrow? It won’t be very easy to drive if it keeps piling up like this.”
“I don’t know. Go check the Weather Channel, see what it says.”
“Okay,” she chirped, and stood to leave the kitchen. She had to pass Touya, coming from the other direction.
“Did you want me to start dinner?”
“No, I’ll do it tonight. Just start some water boiling.” She walked into the living room and changed the channel, searching for a weather report. Tomorrow, tomorrow… it was the fifth, right? She frowned at the TV screen.
No, today was a Tuesday. This wasn’t right. Why were they saying that Wednesday was the fourth? Wait just a minute –
She dropped the remote and marched into the kitchen. Only Yukito was there now, patiently waiting for the water to boil.
“Where is he?”
Yukito gave her a startled look, taking in her wide eyes and rapid breathing.
“Sakura-chan, are you all right?”
“No,” she whimpered. “No, this isn’t happening, he didn’t do this…”
“What?”
She was looking at the daily calendar by the window and shaking her head. “No, no, no, no!” Now she was pawing through the kitchen trash.
“Sakura-chan, what’s gotten into you?”
Still she didn’t answer. Instead she withdrew a crumpled slip of paper and straightened it out. She looked as though she was about to cry.
“Hey, Yuki, have you seen my - ” Touya walked into the kitchen and froze. Sakura was holding it in her hands and staring at him with a horrified, betrayed look in her eyes.
“How could you?” she whispered.
“Um, I - ”
“Did you do this on purpose? Did you think that you could make me forget?” She recrumpled the paper, crushing the January third page in her hand.
“Sakura, calm down.” He tried to reach out and take her hands, but she jerked away. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to have to think about it. I was only trying to help.”
“How dare you? You really think that making me forget his birthday is going to erase the pain of losing him? Did you really think that I was that stupid?”
“No! I just didn’t want you to be unhappy!” She gave him a hard look.
“Well, you failed.” She looked so hurt. He tried once again to approach her.
“Sakura, I - ” He broke off when she slapped him hard across the face, then burst into tears and ran from the room.
Touya was still for a moment, listening to her thunder up the stairs. Then the door slammed, and he looked down at the floor.
“I messed up, Yuki.”
“Yes, I think you did.” He raked his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. His hand was trembling slightly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me.”
Touya swallowed, and nodded. Then he turned to the staircase.
“Sakura, open up.” Fruitlessly he knocked on the door. “Come on, you can’t stay in there forever. I want to apologize.”
“Go away!”
“Sakura, I’m sorry, okay? It was a mistake, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Well you did!”
“I’m trying to make up for it.” He tried her knob, but the door wasn’t opening. He groaned and slid down to sit on the floor. “Since when does her door even lock?”
“It doesn’t on its own,” Yukito said thoughtfully, “but the Lock Card will lock any door. You’re not getting in anytime soon.”
“Damn.” Touya leaned his head back against the wood. “Am I a bad person?” Yukito sat down on the floor across from him.
“I don’t think so, no. Your intentions were honorable enough. But you insulted her, Toya. Trying to hide his birthday just made a mockery of her grief. That’s a deep wound.”
Touya listened carefully. He could no longer hear her sobbing out loud, but she could still be crying. There was another sound too, the sound of a lion purring. Kero must be comforting her. That should be his job. He was the one that’s supposed to be her shelter from the things that make her cry. He wasn’t supposed to be the one to drive her to tears in the first place!
Something caught in his throat, and he had to choke back some tears. Sakura was miserable, and therefore he was too.
“How can I make it right, Yuki? I need some advice.” His friend shook his head.
“I don’t know, Toya. I honestly don’t. This is something that brother and sister are just going to have to work out together.”
“If she’ll ever let me in.”
“She will. You’re just going to have to be patient.” He patted Touya on the leg, then stood and went into their bedroom. Touya tried again.
“Sakura? Can you hear me?”
No reply.
“Sakura, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I know that you miss him all the time, every day. I shouldn’t have tried to hide his birthday.”
Still no response.
“I was just trying to protect you. I know I can go overboard with that sometimes, but I can’t help it. I look at you, and I see this vulnerable, tiny little girl that needs to be sheltered from the world. I know that’s not how you see yourself, but I can’t help the way I feel. I was only trying to help. I’m sorry.”
The room behind the door was awfully quiet, and he wondered if she was even still there. She wouldn’t have flown out of the window in all this snow, would she?
“Sakura, are you still there?”
The door behind his back opened so suddenly that he fell into her room with a yelp of surprise. Before he could recover, she was kneeling on his chest.
“You shouldn’t have done it.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“But he wouldn’t want me to be unhappy on his birthday. I’m going to forgive you.”
He was quiet, watching her face. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“I miss him so much.”
“I know. I do too.” The pressure on his chest eased as she backed off, and he sat up.
“It’s not just his birthday, you know. There’ll be yours, and mine, and then next year’s, and the year after that… and then there’ll be graduations…and maybe my wedding…” Some more tears were sliding down her face now. “I’ll always be thinking about him, thinking about the things that he missed. There’s going to be so much of it.”
“I know. But he can see it, even if you can’t see him. They can both see it. They wouldn’t want us to dwell on the fact that they’re not there, they would want us to enjoy those moments.”
She nodded.
“And I’ll be there for all those things, I promise. I’ll always be there. Okay?” Again she nodded, starting to cry faster now. Hastily he took her in his arms, right there on the floor, and rocked her soothingly as she sobbed her pain.
There was no cure. Only time.
- - at four months - -Touya wondered if he ought to be nervous. He felt nervous. Avoiding the eyes of the man across from him, he took another sip of his drink.
“Was there anything you wanted to talk about?”
“Not really, no,” Fujitaka answered. “I just thought it might be nice to have a drink with you. That’s something we never got to do.” He raised his own glass. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.”
“Funny, isn’t it? The things that you think you’ll have so much time to do, and then you realize that you never got to. It would have been very easy to have a drink with you; it’s not something that takes a lot of time. But somehow, I just never got around to doing it.”
“It’s okay, Dad. I’m not hurt.”
“It still irritates me. I never got to spend as much time with my children as I wanted to, you or her. And I know it’s my fault. It was just so easy to bury myself in work after Nadeshiko’s death, trying to forget the pain.”
“We don’t blame you.”
“I blame me. I missed out. I knew what was going on, but I didn’t even try to stop it. It was so much easier to shift the responsibility onto your shoulders. Another day, I said to myself. Another day, I will spend more time with her. I will spend more time with him. I will try to be a good parent. Turns out, ‘another day’ was the day after I died.”
He took a rather large swallow and plunked the glass down on the table. Touya wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he just stared into his drink. Fujitaka broke the silence with a chuckle.
“So my daughter is some kind of sorceress, huh?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Well, well. Just goes to show how little I was around. I can’t believe she hid that little flying bear from me so well.”
“Don’t feel bad. She hid it from me too, at first.”
“But you figured it out, didn’t you? You paid attention and kept an eye on her, and you figured it out. I should have done that. Oh well. Too late to worry about it now, I suppose.”
“I guess.”
“And you. Look at you, with Tsukishiro-san.” Touya flushed a little.
“I, uh, it just sort of happened - ”
“You don’t have to defend it. It’s a little strange, but I can see that it’s working out very well for Sakura. She obviously likes the arrangement.” Touya looked up, into his father’s eyes.
“Do you think that I’m doing all right? With Sakura, I mean? I’m trying so hard, but I just don’t know if I’m doing a good job.”
“Touya, Touya. You shouldn’t beat yourself up like this. You’re doing a much better job than I ever did. You’re being so careful, so protective. Another few years of this, and she’ll probably forget me altogether. Just like her mother.” A shadow flitted across his face, and Touya cringed.
“Don’t say that, Dad. We’ll never forget you, either of us. She misses you so much, you know. I do too. I – I wish you were still alive.”
“Don’t waste your time wishing, Touya. You’re not the type. You want something, you do it. Nothing’s going to bring me back, so forget about that. Just concentrate on doing well in life. School, your sister, Yukito, all of it. Don’t just work hard. Enjoy it, too.”
“I’ll try,” he whispered. Then he leaned in, curious.
“What’s it like, Dad? Death?” The man across from him just smiled and shook his head.
“Oh, you know better than that. Questions like that can never be answered. All I can say is that it is… rather cold.” He nodded to himself. “Yes, very cold.”
“Cold?” His father was fading now, their surroundings becoming an insubstantial mist. It was cold on his skin.
“Dad? Don’t go, please. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared I’m going to screw it up.”
There was no answer, and Touya found himself shivering. It was indeed very cold.
“Dad?”
Touya woke up shivering still, despite the heavy comforter. Beside him, Yukito was shivering too.
Dad? What’s going on?
He sat up in bed, and with a shock he realized that he could see his breath crystallizing in front of him. The town was in the middle of the worst freeze of the decade, but they should have been all right inside. Unless...
He slid out of bed, wincing as he made contact with the cold floor. Hastily he pulled on his robe.
- - - - - -
He kept trying, and trying. But one disaster after another kept on happening. Did something like this ever happen to Dad? He doubted it.
Touya glared at the deathly silent heater in the basement, smirking at him in the glow of his flashlight.
“How can you be broken?” he appealed to it. “Stop it. This is absolutely the worst time to do this!” It ignored him, and remained dysfunctional. Touya was good with machinery, good with things, but everything that he’d tried yielded no results, and he was out of ideas.
“Come on,” he pleaded. “Just this once. Please? My fingers are turning blue here.”
Still no response, and he struck at it angrily. The cold metal was extremely painful on his knuckles, and he yelped. After swearing colorfully at it for a few minutes, he admitted defeat at last and turned to go up the stairs.
If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. They’d all get pneumonia. The Office of Minors’ Affairs would just love it: his little sister in the hospital just four months after he swore he’d take good care of her.
He reached the upper floor and sighed. There was only one thing he could think of to do.
Softly he crept into Sakura’s room. She was shivering too, underneath her blankets, her skin very pale and white in the moonlight. She was a heavy sleeper, fortunately, and didn’t wake as he pulled back her blankets and picked her up in his arms. Memories came rushing back; that day that he had found her at school and told her, how she had fallen into his arms and he had held her as she cried.
He knew at the moment how it would be. How he would sacrifice anything for her, do anything to ease her pain. Everything Touya did, he did for her.
He pushed open his bedroom door with his foot and tenderly lay her down in the bed next to Yukito. Then he returned to her bedroom for her comforter and Kero, also sound asleep. He still didn’t know if he was doing an adequate job, but he was trying. No one could fault him for that.
Kero he lay down on the bed between Yukito and Sakura. Then he spread out Sakura’s blanket on top of their own, and crawled into bed. Not very roomy to be sure, but the body heat of all three of them should be enough to keep her warm. Already it looked as though she was shivering a little less.
“You know I love you, right?” he whispered. Her eyes were closed, her expression peaceful. “I hope so.”
He wrapped his arms around her and felt her little body stop shivering altogether, and he smiled. Then he closed his eyes, and slept.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
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