Chapter 5
‘September 3…’
Tomoyo reached sleepily across the bed, but there was no one there.
He’s gone again. I should have known. Nobody loves me.
Her eyes fluttered open to see Eriol standing in the doorway to her bathroom, patting his face dry with a towel. He saw her looking at him and smiled, but didn’t say anything.
Of course, what’s he going to say? Good morning? That would be quite a stretch.
The events of the night before came tumbling down onto her memory, every horrible detail, and she felt the tears starting to work themselves up.
"Don’t cry," Eriol said quietly. He was crawling back into bed, taking her in his arms. "You’re through crying. Now is the time to heal from it."
"My own father…"
"He’s not your father. Not anymore. You’re better than him. It’s time to move on."
"How could you not tell me?"
"What could I say? You were so desperate to have him back in your life. It seemed safer to just keep an eye on you until he made his move."
"And everything else…everything that you did and said?"
"All true. I wanted you to enjoy life, I wanted to help you break out of the mold."
"I’m talking about last night. What you said."
"The part about me not walking away and leaving you?"
"Yes, that part."
"Well now, that depends." He settled himself more comfortably against the pillows and took her hand in his, entwining their fingers. "You see, it’s not really up to me if I get to stick around by your side. That decision has to be made by two people."
She didn’t say anything, but only nestled up to him more closely. She felt too wrung out to even be thinking about anything right then, it was all too much. He wanted her to admit that she wanted him around, and she wasn’t ready.
How could I be? Last night just demonstrated what happens when you let people in. You open your heart, and they stomp into it and crush it beneath their feet. Sometimes it’s intentional, like my father. And sometimes they don’t mean to hurt you at all, you just got caught in a bad situation. And then you stay in that situation, because you love them and you don’t want to let go, even though you know they don’t love you back. I’m just tired. I’m tired of all the pain.
She noticed for the first time that the black velvet dress was now on a hanger, suspended from a hook on her door. The maid never came into her room except on Sundays; he must have hung it up.
Oh god. My birthday is today. My birthday party is tonight! How am I supposed to do this? I can’t, not after what happened yesterday.
"Yes you can," Eriol answered. "You’ll be fine. You’re so strong."
She swallowed.
I’m not.
"I don’t want to get out of bed."
"You don’t have to if you don’t want to." The muscular arms around her gave a gentle squeeze.
"No, I have to. I have school. I have to apologize to a friend of mine. And this party is going to happen."
"If you say so."
*****
I do, thought Tomoyo. I do say so. Things have to go on, I have to pick up my life again. Because I know that no matter what my father did, there are still people that love me.
She came to a halt in the hallway, watching Li lean over and take a drink from the water fountain.
He was only trying to be a good friend. He really does love me; more than anyone else he appreciates the sacrifices that I’ve made. There’s a bond between us that even Sakura will probably never understand.
Li straightened and saw her standing there. His expression was something of a cross between relief and anger, tinged by fear. Fear that she would only push him away again, and refuse to let him help.
"I’m sorry," she said. "I shouldn’t have gotten so angry at you. I know you only want the best for me."
He nodded slowly.
"Who was that yesterday?"
"Somebody that I hope I never see again. You were right to try and protect me; I was in danger. I’m not going to tell you the details, because it’s still a little painful to talk about. But I’m okay now, and I won’t ever try to stop you from helping me again."
She looked so sad. Li ached for her, but he wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t seem to be in the mood for any more words, anyway, and she reached forward to embrace him in a sudden hug.
He held her close, grateful that she was all right. He wished he knew what had happened, but he knew that he couldn’t ask.
"Just so long as you’re all right," he whispered. "That’s all that matters."
*****
Somehow, she made it through all her classes that day. Leaving Sakura at cheerleader practice, she ignored her car and took a walk. She wasn’t really sure where she was going, but she eventually she found herself by the park. The giant penguin slide glared down on her as always, but to her it seemed like a knowing glare.
Good thing statues can’t talk. I can’t believe we did it, right underneath. Probably the fantasy of half the teenagers in town. Nobody else will believe it either. Not that I’ll be talking about it anytime soon.
She turned away from the slide to face the creek, and started to root through her purse.
I can’t believe it’s only been one week since he walked into my life. The world has been turned upside down. I’ve done things and thought things that I never before imagined. And now he’s gone, forever I hope. It – it was a learning experience.
She found the necklace and held it in her palm for a moment, enjoying the way the sunlight sparkled in all the little diamonds. It was truly beautiful, but it was tainted. It wasn’t a true expression of love. She threw it as hard and far as she could, and there was a little kerplop in the middle of the creek where it hit the surface.
And that’s that. It’s over with, and there’s nothing more to remind me of him. Kagami Daidouji is officially out of my life.
And what about the other one? That other man who says that he wants to be in my life, but needs my confirmation?
She tapped her nails on the railing before her thoughtfully.
You know, Tomoyo, for all the work that you poured into that dress, you’re really not looking forward to wearing it tonight. Frankly, it reminds of you of how you thought it would go with the necklace, and that only makes you think of your father. Maybe you should try something different tonight. Maybe…black velvet. Just for fun.
‘…at the party’
"I stay behind the camera because it’s safe," Tomoyo finally said. "You’ve seen what I can expect if I step out from behind it. There’s nothing wrong with being scared, is there? You said it was human."
"There’s nothing wrong with being scared. There is something wrong with being ruled by your fear. That’s no way to lead life. You know that your father was the exception. You can’t use him as the reason."
"Yes. I know."
Tomoyo followed Sakura on the floor with her eyes. Truthfully, she really wasn’t thinking about her father now. She was wondering what exactly Sakura would think if Tomoyo told her what had been going on between her and Eriol.
Because I’ve decided that I do want him. I want him near me, I want him touching me, I want him with me. And this secret relationship can’t go on. If I actually ask him to stay, then I’m going to have to tell Sakura and Li. And I’m scared.
"Eriol?"
"Yes?"
"I want you to kiss me."
She had the satisfaction of feeling his muscles tense up in surprise. At long last, she’d finally been able to surprise him. He backed off her and she turned around, away from the party to face him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I’m sure. I want it."
"All right then." He leaned in and kissed her, lightly at first but growing more intense and more passionate. She responded, pressing her body up against his as he ran his hands through her thick hair. Neither of them wanted to quit, and he bent her backwards over the railing with the force of the kiss.
She could feel her hair swinging out over empty space, and smiled inwardly. If anyone looked up…if they could see what was happening…
It would almost be amusing to see their expressions. Why am I bothering to care about what anyone thinks of me and Eriol? If I want to be with him, that should be enough. I’m tired of caring about everybody else more than myself. They’ll be watching me if I say anything. I better get used to it.
At long last he pulled away, and she straightened and tried to get her breath back.
"Sorry. It’s just that it felt so good - "
"No. That was great. And I want to do it again. But first I have to do something."
He cocked his head and looked at her, and when he saw what she was thinking, his eyes widened a trifle.
"Well, this is interesting. You actually think you’re going to do this?"
"I don’t think. I know." She took his hand and led him down the stairs with her, back to her camera on the table surface. She picked it up and pressed Record.
"Hey, Naoko?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you know how to work this?"
"Well, I - "
"It’s easy as anything. That’s zoom in, that one is zoom out, and that one stops it from recording. But don’t press that one anytime soon. I want you to just aim it at that table, okay?" She indicated the long drinks and snacks table that ran alongside the edge of the room. Several people were congregated around it, gorging themselves and listening to the thumping music of the powerful sound system next to it.
"Um, okay." Naoko shrugged and took the camera in her hands, then noticed who Tomoyo was standing with. "Eriol? When did you come back into town?"
"Just blew in." He smiled at her expression and followed Tomoyo as she marched across the room. She was headed for the sound system, and he stayed near the food, blending in inconspicuously with the crowd. He didn’t want anyone to notice him just yet. He wanted everyone’s eyes on her.
Tomoyo took a deep breath and picked up the mike. For years, she’d never used this machine except to practice her solos, alone and private in the house. Never once had she dreamed of using it like this. Her hands were shaking slightly.
You can do this, Tomoyo. This is nothing, after a motorcycle. This is what you can do, and you should do it for everyone. Let them watch.
She turned off the music mid-song and switched the machine from stereo to karaoke mode. A loud groan of disappointment rose up from the crowd, but she paid no attention. Instead she pulled up the song she was looking for and turned on the mike.
*****
"Under the lover’s sky, gonna be with you,
and no one’s going to be around.
If you think it’s your own fault,
well just wait until…
‘till the sun goes down."
Sakura frowned a little at Li.
"Is that - Tomoyo!" Her mouth fell open as she saw her friend singing cheerfully into the mike. Everybody was staring at her, shocked. But they had a bigger surprise coming.
"All I need is the starlight…starlight…
there’s a magical feeling so right."
She kicked a chair up to the table and climbed up on it as she sang.
"It’ll steal your heart tonight!"
She jumped up on the table, landing right next to the popcorn. Everyone in the room gasped. Naoko gasped too, and had to remember to aim the camera at Tomoyo.
I can’t believe she is doing this! What on earth has gotten into her?
"You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss,
but you know, but you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight."
The song was picking up, and Tomoyo crossed her feet in front of one another to move to the middle of the table, in time with the music. She saw Li and Sakura both staring at her, eyes marbled in shock, and she winked.
"Deep in the dark, you’ll surrender your heart,
‘cause you know, ‘cause you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight,
no…no…you can’t fight it.
It’s going to get to your heart!
There’s no escaping love, once the gentle breeze
weaves its spell upon your heart.
No matter what you think, it won’t be too long
‘till you’re in my arms.
All I need is the starlight…
we’ll be lost in the rhythm, so right…
Feel it steal your heart tonight!"
She spun around in a pirouette and struck a dramatic pose. The crowd cheered and clapped. Now that the shock was wearing off, they were starting to enjoy the show. And why shouldn’t they? She was a great singer, after all.
"You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss,
but you know, but you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight."
Tomoyo slid her hand down past her hips, and the guys whistled. Eriol was grinning like the Cheshire cat, as he waited for her by the edge of the table. She would not keep him waiting long.
"Deep in the dark, you’ll surrender your heart,
‘Cause you know, ‘cause you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight.
No…no matter what you do…
The night is going to get to you!"
The music swelled as the backup singers took over, and she closed her eyes and fell gracefully off the table. Everyone gasped, but Eriol caught her easily and spun around with her in his arms. For the first time, people noticed him, and a second whoosh of surprise went up from the crowd.
"Him!" Li spat, and tried to muscle way through the crowd. He should have known, he should have realized who was doing this to her –
Sakura grabbed a hold of his shirt and yanked him backwards.
"Don’t you dare, Li Syaoran. She’s having a blast."
Li scowled as he saw the expression on Tomoyo’s face. Sakura was right, Tomoyo was smiling blissfully and laughing as Eriol gently set her back on her feet.
"All I need is the starlight…starlight…
there’s a magical feeling, so right…
it’ll steal your heart tonight!"
Eriol raised his arm and she twirled gracefully, her hair floating around her like a soft black cloud. She let the chorus sing part of the verse as he took her hand and let her pull away, then she closed the distance between them again and let him wrap his arm around her.
"Can’t fight the moonlight,
deep in the dark, you’ll surrender your heart,
‘cause you know, ‘cause you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight!"
Holding her firmly around the waist, he dipped her low to the ground, then guided her upright again. The song was winding to a close, and everyone around them was cheering madly. She didn’t bother to look at any of them, she didn’t even care. All she could do was look into those impossibly blue eyes as she sang. Sang for him.
"You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss,
but you know, but you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight.
Deep in the dark, you’ll surrender your heart,
‘cause you know, ‘cause you know that you…can’t fight the moonlight,
no…you can’t fight it…
It’s going to get to your heart…"
And only after the song ended did she allow herself to kiss him again.
It felt wonderful.
***THE END***
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